


exile

by lesamoreuxvi



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Accomplice Ending (Persona 4), Alcohol, Angst, Bad Ending, Blood and Injury, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Gen, M/M, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, This WILL end happily, Underage Drinking, Unresolved Emotional Tension, but also good ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25636843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesamoreuxvi/pseuds/lesamoreuxvi
Summary: Yu knows that if he burns this letter, he’d be breaking all of his morals. He’d be destroying his friends’ trust and all of the memories they made while trying to bring the real killer to justice. He thinks deeply about them one last time, feeling his eyes starting to burn. He clenches the lighter in his hand tightly and grabs the letter from the table.Yu inhales and lets the flame touch the paper.____After Yu burns the letter in hopes that Adachi will become a better person if the murders are covered up, the man confesses his crimes. He also mentions his accomplice, the one that destroyed the evidence along with the trust of his friends for a man that is far from salvation.Stuck on probation for a whole year in a town where everyone despises him, Yu has to convince his former friends to continue towards the truth, even if it means losing their bonds forever.
Relationships: Adachi Tohru & Persona 4 Protagonist, Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Hanamura Yosuke/Persona 4 Protagonist, Hanamura Yosuke/Seta Souji, Kujikawa Rise & Narukami Yu
Comments: 63
Kudos: 135





	1. so many signs

**Author's Note:**

> yes i am writing a multi chaptered fic. i havent done this since 2018 so i hope there's no consistency issues. if the writing is a little wonky, please forgive me.  
> i am deep in souyo hell this WILL eventually become souyo. updating will probably not be weekly :(

The smell of the Heaven persisted in his nostrils every time he took a breath, Yu noticed. It wasn’t like the air from the real world; no, this smell was wrong. It irked his insides and clawed at his lungs, craving escape from his brain along with the confession of what he’d come to learn.

Yu had known Adachi was the killer. Ever since December he’d known, when the ‘rookie’ detective had said that ‘that proves it’. He had tried his best to dismiss it, but in the end, Yu had been right. Adachi, the man that came over for dinner, that helped with Nanako’s homework and that had confided in Yu was a criminal and there was nothing he could do about it.

He kept it a secret from his friends. Yu wasn’t proud of his decision, but in that moment, watching the dark night sky filled with pecks of snow along with Yosuke and Naoto, he’d kept his mouth shut even when the name was on the tip of his tongue. Thankfully, Naoto and Yosuke were none the wiser about his internal crisis.

Yosuke had said the truth would be lost in the fog, but that wasn’t true, not really. Yu knew the truth and as long as he didn’t forget it the truth would never be lost, at least in his mind. And it’s not like Yu could ever forget it; it was imbedded in his brain, at the edge of his mind and at the end of every sentence that he spoke. He could be wishing the cashier at Junes a good day and barely contain the ‘also, Adachi is behind the murders’. The truth wanted to slip away from him so badly, but Yu kept it on a tight leash, never letting it rear its ugly head. 

The days were Dojima slaved away at the case were bad, seeing him slumped over the kitchen table with multiple files until the late night and sighing in defeat when he prepared his coffee, again. Those days he almost told him the truth.

There were other days, though. The days when him and his friends would visit Nanako. Watching her breathe heavily while struggling to talk almost brought him to tears the way only the lonely nights did. Her eyes still sparkled when she saw the team or her dad and Yu wanted to tell her that he didn’t deserve her smiles or the effort of her speech. He couldn’t bring himself to stay more that a few minutes. 

The Investigation Team was slowly crumbling apart before his very eyes, with Rise preparing for her redebut in showbiz, Yosuke working heavier hours at Junes, Yukiko training for management, Naoto burying herself in cases, Chie improving her form for the police academy and Kanji holding his courses in knitting. Between all of their activities, there wasn’t much time for all of them to hang out together. School days were filled with mindless chatter and it was like an unspoken rule between them that talk about the case off-limits. Yu missed the easy banter between him and the rest of the team, especially the ‘partner!’ shouts that Yosuke used to throw around along with an arm over his shoulders. That relationship had been reduced to forced smiles and ‘sorry, can’t hang out, have a shift’, things that would have made Yu frustrated and filled with sadness had it not been his fault.

Teddie was still missing, his note a bitter memory in his mind every time he thought of him. Yu could only admire him; even if living in the TV world was a painful truth, Teddie still faced it by choosing to remain there.

That was something Yu could not do; he thought he could face the truth: that Adachi was a murderer, _the_ murderer that plagued Inaba for a whole year, but he was unable to.

Yu wondered if a Shadow existed inside him, and if it did, what would it say in response to him hiding the truth? Would it call him a coward? A traitor? 

He craved the feeling of honesty again.

* * *

As the days passed, Yu’s last day in Inaba came through the heavy fog of the town. Even though it was now spring, the streets felt bare still. Yu dreaded walking them to the train station and Dojima was kind enough to give him a lift, but told him he couldn’t stay to see him off. Yu couldn’t argue with that, as he’d barely spoke to his uncle in the past months.

Nanako isn’t well enough to come out yet. The sounds of her cough still rattles Yu’s mind and heart when he hears it.

The last of his souvenirs packed, Yu finds himself closing the box and letting himself exhale. Looking at his watch, he notices he still has several hours before his departure. The voices of his friends that he’s already said goodbye to still echo through his head as he almost failed to contain his regret tears in front of each of them.

Now that he thinks about it, there’s one person in this whole town he hasn’t said goodbye to yet. The thought of Adachi almost makes Yu want to vomit his breakfast, but he’s sure now. He needs to do this. He needs to know if it was truly the right or wrong thing to allow Adachi another chance. Grabbing his keys and willing his hands to stop trembling by shoving them in the jacket pockets, Yu steps onto the empty streets he’s come the loathe, setting off towards the police station.

Yu needs to visit Adachi.

* * *

  
  


The walk to the police station was dreadful; the fog that was enveloping the town was growing thicker and thicker and was he feeling drowsier? Yu adds the fog to the list of things in his head that need investigating, but knows they’ll never get to it. He’s leaving in 4 hours, anyway.

He drums his fingers restlessly on his thigh when he requests to see Detective Adachi. The woman at the front office appears bored while she tells Yu what room to head to and that she’ll call Adachi down.

Time seems to slow while he’s waiting and he does his best to keep the memories of the night when Dojima interrogated him at bay. He’s refusing to remember what Nanako’s voice sounded like on the small television in the back of the room. He also notices there’s now an ashtray in the room. Yu checks his watch multiple times and even considers abandoning his mission in favor of boarding his train early when he hears footsteps and the door to the cold room opens.

Adachi lets the door close behind him. ‘Sorry, were you waiting long?’ 

Yu shakes his head, trying not to let Adachi see him tense.

He sighs. ‘Man, things have been so busy. I’ve putting in a crazy amount of overtime.’ Adachi waves a hand around dismissively and his smile creeps back up on his face. ‘Well, anyway, what’s with the sudden visit? Can I help you with something?’

Yu swallows nervously. He can’t slip anything out besides his most burning question. ‘Did you do it?’

Adachi’s expression turns confused. ‘...Do what?’

‘Mayumi Yamano. Saki Konishi. Did you… kill them?’ he says and steps closer.

The man is taken aback. He’s frowning now. ‘Me? Kill Mayumi Yamano and Saki Konishi?’ He crosses his arms at his chest and gives a pity laugh. ‘What’s this about? Are you serious?’

Yu nods and Adachi stares at him as if he’s a confused child lost in a supermarket. His easy smile doesn’t even falter. ‘Oh, come on. Even if you’re kidding, this is a pretty bad joke.’ He lifts an eyebrow. ‘Did you forget? You’re the ones who brought Namatame in.’

‘We did, but we had a talk with him while he was in the hospital and it seems like he genuinely thought he was doing a good deed.’

Adachi hums. 

‘We might have made a mistake. We think there’s someone behind this pulling the strings and watching it unfold.’

The detective rolls his eyes. ‘Oh, I get it. You’re still playing detective.’ He shrugs nonchalantly. ‘Ok, say I AM the culprit. What did you come here to do? Convince me to turn myself in?’

Yu pulls in a shaky breath. ‘No.’

‘So… what? Are you trying to blackmail me?’ Adachi says. This conversation was dragging on for way too long, Yu noticed. Adachi wouldn’t be wasting time on this if it didn’t mean something to him.

Yu says that he’s not trying to blackmail him.

Adachi scratches his head. He sounds way more serious when he speaks now. ‘Well, listen up. Unlike you, we police aren’t made of time. We still haven’t even cleaned up Namatame’s mess. Besides, you don’t have any proof that I did it.’

That basically proves it, in Yu’s mind, but Adachi isn’t wrong. He doesn’t have any proof besides the wrong feeling that’s been bothering him since December.

Yu hangs his head and Adachi shifts at the sight. ‘Well? Are you going to keep playing Detective?’

‘I’m on your side!’ Yu says after some time, albeit too forcefully. Adachi’s eyes widen in surprise before he’s frowning again.

‘You’re on my side? Are you trying to be the hero or something? No wait, you’re saying you’re on the killer’s side…’ he trails off thoughtfully, ‘...in front of a police officer.’

Oh, yeah, Adachi is the police. He’d nearly forgotten that Adachi can arrest him for his claims if he feels like it.

‘Do you understand what that means?’

‘I do.’

The tone in the room changes with Adachi’s expression, going from relaxed and somewhat concerned to unsettling.

‘I see,’ Adachi says, his voice devoid of any emotion. ‘Wait here a sec.’

Adachi turns and leaves the room, leaving Yu wondering of what’s going to happen next. He chases panic away, but thoughts of ‘he’s going to kill you’ still linger around when he returns.

There’s a sheet of paper in his hand and as he places it in front of Yu, he realizes it’s the letter that he received on the night Nanako was kidnapped. 

Adachi had it.

‘Do you remember this? It’s the threatening letter that got sent to your house.’ Adachi shakes his head in a careless way. ‘I accidentally forgot to forward it over to Forensics…’

Yu finds that hard to believe.

‘I’m sure it was just a prank, but maybe it was connected to the murders,’ he drags out the maybe.

Adachi shrugs again, waiting for Yu to make a move. ‘Who knows? This might be the piece of evidence that can turn this whole case upside down.’

Yu steps closer to the table and there’s no mistaking it; it’s the same letter he touched and read with Dojima.

‘The real killer wouldn’t want the police to have this. But you’re with me, right?’

Adachi is smiling again and the sight of it sends a chill running down Yu’s spine.

He continues. ‘So if I’m the real killer, and you’re with me, then that makes you my partner,’ Yu flinches violently at the word but Adachi doesn’t seem to notice, ‘in crime. Isn’t that right?’

Adachi places something from his pocket on the table. Yu’s blood freezes in his veins.

It’s a lighter.

‘If I send this to Forensics, they might pull some evidence off it. Maybe a clue to capturing the real killer…’ he says and Yu can hear the irony in his tone. He looks at the letter and the lighter next to it.

‘You, your friends and Dojima-san have all been busting your asses for a whole year to solve this case. It’s a damn shame that no one’s caught the real killer yet.’

None of them speak for a few moments until Adachi fixes Yu with his stare.

‘Well?’ he expectantly asks.

Yu knows that if he burns this letter, he’d be breaking all of his morals. He’d be destroying his friends’ trust and all of the memories they made while trying to bring the real killer to justice. He thinks deeply about them one last time, feeling his eyes starting to burn. He clenches the lighter in his hand tightly and grabs the letter from the table.

Yu inhales and lets the flame touch the paper.


	2. days turned into nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘He’s got evidence. Your meeting, he taped it.’
> 
> Yu’s breathing quickens and he prays to God that Dojima can’t hear it.
> 
> ‘I haven’t seen it yet. I’m not allowed jurisdiction on this case anymore since my personal life is involved. The lead investigator has seen it though.’
> 
> ‘A-and?’ Yu asks meekly, hoping that this time, it would be a positive answer that will blow the whole situation away.
> 
> The man hesitates before talking. ‘Inaba PD put out a warrant for your arrest. There are officers waiting for you outside of the station. They’re coming to take you into custody.’

Yu walks home. His clothes smell of smoke, awful acrid smoke and all he wants to do is lay under a fire-hot shower and wash away all the grime that he knows doesn’t exist on his hands. The fear in his body eventually gave way to numbness. Adachi’s crazy laughter and psychopathic face play in his head, over and over along with the way he’d called Yu ‘partner’ at the end. It’s a never ending reel of despair.

‘You destroyed evidence… That’s a crime, you know?’ Adachi laughs. Yu knows that it’s a crime, but what else could he have done? He had been determined to give Adachi a fresh start where he could become better. The things they’d talked about and the bond they’d nurtured couldn’t be all for naught now, could they?

_ I would have done the same for all of my friends,  _ Yu thinks.

He tightens his hand on his phone and hopes it doesn’t ring, hopes it never rings again. He wants to throw it into Samegawa river and leave it there forever.

He knows he can’t. Adachi would just track him down, as he’d said.

Yu never got to ask him how he came to know about the TV world, how he knew he could throw people in there. Did Adachi have a Persona?

Most importantly, why did he do it?

Yu’s breath is slow, and steady, and calm. There’s no turning back now. The fog is only getting thicker and thicker, after all.

* * *

  
  
After Dojima drops him off, telling him that he’s free to visit anytime (Yu probably won’t) and to say hi to his parents when he gets home. He drives off, leaving Yu with the awkward goodbyes of his friends.

Here he is, standing on the train and thinking how he doesn’t deserve their nice words and soft see-you-soon’s.

Chie says that it was over too quick. He knows. Rise makes him promise that he’ll visit and he nods his head in affirmation, only to erase the look of pure sadness from his face. Kanji sheepishly points out that it’s going to get boring without him around and Yu almost laughs out loud. Naoto stresses that they’ll come running if something happens on his end and Yu almost thinks she’s got him all figured out with that phrasing, but then she tells him to take care of himself. Yukiko tells him to keep in touch in a shy tone, and that she’ll save him a room at the Amagi Inn next time he comes to Inaba. She smiles sadly at the end.

‘Well, I’ll see ya… You really helped us out with lots of stuff… Thanks, partner.’

_ Goodbye, partner. _

Yu’s face falls and his eyes fill with tears. None escape, but Yosuke notices anyway and shifts.

‘Hey, dude, you okay?’ He sounds concerned. ‘Don’t get all mushy on us right now,’ Yosuke gives out a bleak laugh.

_ I don’t deserve to be your partner. _

_ You should hate me. _

‘I’m just going to miss you, that’s all,’ is what he manages to say.

Yosuke smiles back at him and are his eyes a little red, now that Yu’s looking more carefully? ‘What are you talking about? You’ll be back in no time for Golden Week!’

‘R-right,’ Yu says and finally steps away from the train door. It closes behind him and he turns and watches the figures of his friends get smaller and smaller until they get swallowed by the fog.

The ride to Tokyo has barely begun but Yu thinks he notices a familiar face in the fuzzy as the train passes. Even though it fills him with terror, he tries not to think about it. His clammy hands are still clutching the phone, flipping it open and closed in his pocket.

* * *

No matter how many times he tries, sleep doesn’t come. Yu knows he can’t force himself to drift off so he just ends up with his head leaning on the window, watching the countryside become more and more urban. Regret still nags at him and for the time being he has no idea what to do with it. 

By the time the scenery is mostly the city, the train is full of people either sleeping or working. They pay no mind to the troubled boy sitting next to them, but he can’t help but wonder if they’re staring at him a bit funny. Is it just his imagination? Does he still smell like smoke? Maybe they think he’s a troublemaker, that he smokes in high school.

‘Next up: Shibuya Station, Tokyo. Shibuya Station, Tokyo.’

Yu snaps up at the announcement and he realizes the train is mostly slowing down now. He finally gets up and stretches as much as he can, grabbing his bag from the shelf. He makes his way to the doors and waits for the train to stop completely.

He feels his phone vibrate.

Yu takes it out in a flash and before he flips it open, he prays that it’s not Adachi’s name that shows up on the screen.

To his relief, the caller is Dojima. Yu exhales weakly when he sees it, letting the ringtone sound off again and again, even though people really are staring this time. 

_ He must be checking if I made it home safe, _ Yu thinks.

He declines the call in favor of getting off the train. Dojima can wait 30 minutes until he’s settled at home, Yu decides. He steps off, looks around. People are rushing beside him and he takes a moment to breathe the air of underground Tokyo. It brings a wave of sadness with it. 

Yu is completely and utterly alone in this gigantic city. Not even his parents are here to welcome him, even though Yu knows they’re waiting at home, probably exhausted after their flight. He tries to fight back the fear the he’ll never see his friends in Inaba again and stars towards the stairs to the outside.

His phone rings and Yu checks it only to find Dojima calling him again, only minutes after rejecting his other call. His uncle wouldn’t call him twice in this short of a time. That’s when panic settles in a bit and his finger hesitates over the accept button.

_ Did something happen at home? _

He brings the phone to his ear. ‘Hello? Uncle?’

Dojima lets out a relieved breath on the other side. ‘Yu! Thank god. Are you home already?’

‘No,’ Yu says, completely caught off-guard by Dojima’s urgent tone. ‘I just got off the train. Is everything alright?”

Dojima doesn’t answer. ‘Goddamnit, kid. What the hell did you  _ do _ ?’

Silence stretches out between them until Yu can make his brain work.

‘W-what?’ Yu’s voice wavers and his mind is blank. Did his uncle find out about him burning the letter? 

‘Hell, Yu. I need you to be honest with me.’

Yu gulps and tightens the grip on his cellphone that’s threatening to fall out of his hand.

‘Did you visit Adachi before you left?’

_ No. _

_ Please, God, no. _

‘Yu!’ Dojima shouts.

‘Yes. I went by the police station in the morning.’ His voice is trembling and the little control he’d regained on the train is slipping away. Dread is pooling in his stomach as seconds go on.

He hears a thud. It kind of sounds like Dojima punched something. ‘Did you know about this?’

‘I swear, uncle, I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ The words rush out of his mouth. Did Adachi do something, say something? He wouldn’t.

Would he?

Dojima sighs heavily. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I believe you. Adachi came to me and hour ago and confessed his involvement in the kidnappings. At first, I didn’t want to believe it… but everything fits. We’ve been questioning him for a while now and, even though we’re lacking solid evidence, we might be able to make some sentence stick.’

Yu’s blood freezes in his veins. ‘What?’

‘That’s not all. He also confessed to the first two murders.’

Emotions swirl around and his body feels ready to collapse from the news. He wants to be happy that he’s made Adachi realize murder is… not the way to cure boredom, but something is wrong.

‘Isn’t that great? I mean, now, the case is closed, right?’

When he speaks next, Dojima’s voice is sad. ‘Yu… are you positive you didn’t know anything about him being the culprit?’

_ I knew and hid it from you for 4 months.  _ ‘I am.’

‘Adachi says he wasn’t alone. He says he had an accomplice. You.’

_ No no nono no NO  _ ‘He’s… he’s lying. I only visited him to say goodbye.’

‘He’s got evidence. Your meeting, he taped it.’

Yu’s breathing quickens and he prays to God Dojima can’t hear it.

‘I haven’t seen it yet. I’m not allowed jurisdiction on this case anymore since my personal life is involved. The lead investigator has seen it though.’

‘A-and?’ Yu asks meekly, hoping that this time, it would be a positive answer that will blow the whole situation away.

The man hesitates before talking. ‘Inaba PD put out a warrant for your arrest. There are officers waiting for you outside of the station. They’re coming to take you into custody.’

* * *

The holding cell he’s being kept in is cold and isolated from the rest of the unit. Since it’s rush hour, Yu’s already exhausted parents are struggling to come and get him out of there as fast as they can.

The initial arrest was harsh enough, with three police officers waiting to take him. They did not waste their time grabbing at him and putting him in the back of their squad car. Yu stayed silent throughout the ordeal. He didn’t get to speak to his parents directly, but he knew that his mother would chastise him for not waiting for her to asses the situation and discover a solution.

Ichika Narukami had always been an assertive woman. Distant, but still protective and loving when she could. Even though she didn’t see him often, her son was her pride and joy and she loved him endlessly.

That’s why she’s now breaking most traffic laws in a race to get to the police station where he’s being (unfairly, if she says so herself) detained. She hopes her job as a lawyer will be enough to save her son from the worst of it. Her husband is holding on to dear life while grinding his teeth anxiously.

Yu waits for them, slumped over on the bed. It’s an uncomfortable position but he can’t get himself to move, like the weight of choices is physically chaining him down. His mind is endlessly telling him how dumb of a decision siding with Adachi had been. He definitely agrees with that thought, but Yu’s never been too emotional of a person, even if these past few days have tested his self-control. Yu’s always been more analytical, always focused, always facts-over-feelings. He forces that part of him to resurface again, exhaling deeply. If he continues despairing he won’t get anywhere.

What is Adachi playing at here?

The man had been happy when he’d said that ‘the little incident would be covered up forever’. He even said he’d be keeping tabs on Yu.

So, why? Why confess literally everything when he’d been able to get away with it and the one person that knew about it was on his side? The more he thought about it, the more the answer eluded him. He shivered in the cell, wrapping his arms around himself in an attempt to warm himself.

Yu wondered if his friends knew about it already. They probably did know  _ something, _ at least. Especially Naoto, and if Naoto knew something had happened to him, she’d surely tell all the others about it to help him.

Except they couldn’t possibly help him with this. Yu isn’t sure they’d want to, anyway.

He doesn’t know where things go from here. Even though his mother is a lawyer, Yu knows next to nothing about law and court and sentences. He does know that destroying evidence is a crime, but how harshly is it punished? Is he gonna go to juvie?

He almost wants to punch himself when he thinks on how he’s ruining his own life right now, just because he believed in Adachi. He should have told his friends. They would have handled it together, and taken him down…

A single tear slips out and lands on his jeans. Yu wipes at his face furiously, trying to appear strong at least in front of his parents. They must hate him too; imagine sending your son to live with your brother who’s a police officer and he comes back in handcuffs. Yu hopes they don’t blame Dojima for it. He doesn’t deserve this.

The voice of his mother cuts through his thoughts and Yu stands up from the mattress, hands grabbing on the metal of the grid. Her black hair and long coat come into sight; her back is turned and she’s arguing with the guards. Yu’s father comes passes his wife and heads straight for the cell. Yu wants to hug him.

‘Yu! Are you okay? Are you hurt?’

He shakes his head, grateful that he’s not alone anymore.

‘You better open this cell right now or so help me God I will sue your precinct so fast you’ll end up locked up in it!’ Ichika Narukami’s heels clink on the floor as she approaches, followed by a police officer who looks close to tears. His hands shake under Ichika’s scrutinizing gaze and he struggles to put the key in and unlock the door.

His mother immediately embraces him, patting his back reassuringly. He allows himself to go slack for a second in her arms, just breathing. The day is finally catching up to him, he realizes. In spite of the obvious threat looming, all he wants to do is get to his house in Tokyo and sleep it off.

She squeezes him tighter, then lets go. ‘Come on, Yu. We gotta go. We’ll talk more in the car.’

He nods numbly and follows her out in the reception where she throws more than a few choice words to the officer on duty, and then out to the car. The exhaustion has taken over his mannerisms and he accidentally slams the door shut.

His father gives him a worried look in the mirror.

‘Sorry,’ Yu murmurs.

‘Yu, I need you to be honest with me,’ his mother starts. Last time he heard those words, he ended up in handcuffs. Ichika is watching the road attentively. ‘Is it true, what Ryotaro said? Did you really destroy that evidence?’

Yu wrings his hands together. ‘I did,’ he croaks out, because he’s tired of lying.

His father runs a hand through his hair, one still on the wheel. ‘Did he coerce you? Did he threaten you? Why did you do it?’

‘No, no he didn’t. I did it of my own accord.’

‘Why?!’ his mother shouts. Yu startles and she notices, lowering her tone. ‘What could you possibly have to do with that criminal? This could destroy your life! The court date is on the 23rd. We barely have any time to think about your plea! You could end up in juvenile hall! Do you understand me?!”

The outburst from his mother takes Yu aback. He has no idea how to act when his mother is like this, especially when he’s the reason.

‘Ichika,’ his dad says, ‘we can talk about it tomorrow. We’re all tired.’

His mother’s jaw tightens but she nods nonetheless. The rest of the ride home is silent but the tension in the car is as thick as the fog in the TV world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, chapter 2!! next chapter is probably going to be the last of the exposition and then we can finally jump into the action.  
> as always, thank you for reading <3


	3. the worst thing that I ever did

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Senpai, it’s me again,’ Naoto says on the line. ‘I really shouldn’t be speaking about this without you, but I trust you and your actions.’
> 
> Yu clenches his jaw. ‘Okay.’
> 
> ‘I did see the recording, yes. I didn’t hear what was spoken, though,’ she emphasizes. ‘For some reason, the audio on the recording was badly corrupted. The image was a bit too static-filled as well, so they couldn’t decipher what Adachi was saying. Also, your back is turned to the camera, so the only thing they could observe were your mannerisms. This is everything they have against you. It’s shaky, and you confirmed Adachi had coerced you into destroying the evidence.’
> 
> Yu’s blood goes cold. Another stab to his heart.
> 
> ‘Senpai, I believe it’s not going to hold up in court.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i know absolutely nothing about crimes and law and trials, much less about trials in japan. this chapter was written with the help of google and it needed to be convenient for the plot so please don't come for me because some things in there make absolutely no sense. thank u

His parents return his phone and belongings that night but he crashes on his bed still in his day clothes, without checking them. Adachi’s disturbed face plagues his dreams, calling him partner, congratulating him for his deed. The letter shows up again and again, burning in front of him. He tries to catch it and salvage it but it turns to ash at his touch, falling at his feet. It reveals the faces of all his loved ones, taking turns expressing their hate and disappointment towards his act.

Nanako appears too but instead of being angry, she asks why. Why did he break his promise, why did he leave her. Does he not care? Yu wants to hug her and hold her close, apologize for what he did, even if she doesn’t understand.

She finally mumbles ‘I hate you, Big Bro.’ Tears fill her eyes as they turn golden and her face morphs, becoming more of a shadowy texture and oozing black everywhere. Whatever became of Nanako melts down to nothing in front of him and the space he’s in drowns in tar until it swallows him too.

Yu stands up right as he wakes. His shirt from yesterday is clinging to him with sweat from the nightmare and his heart is racing in his chest. He plants his head in his hands and pushes on his eyes hard enough to see patterns. Eventually, the panting stops, but he’s not sure if he’s crying or he just dug his palms into his eyes too hard.

He picks up his phone to check the time, but as he flips it open he gets assaulted with the notifications of the new messages and calls that he missed yesterday. There’s a few from every member of the Investigation Team, each wishing him a safe journey home. They get more concerned along with the time stamps. Yu realizes they know by now. In their messages, they don’t seem resentful, they seem worried for Yu. It rubs him the wrong way. He can only imagine they haven’t heard the whole story yet.

The last message he received is from Yosuke. Yu frowns. The last call from Yosuke came at 3:32 am, when he was already asleep, but his messages stopped way earlier. There’s a bunch of them, actually, many more than his other friends sent. He enters his thread of texts with his best friend.

_ 10:21 Yosuke Hanamura: alrdy missing u partnr. aiya dsnt taste the sam wo u _

_ 10:35 Yosuke Hanamura: call when u gt home k? _

_ 11:02 Yosuke Hanamura: naoto jst got called down 2 the station… said its urgent _

_ 11:56 Yosuke Hanamura: partner u wont believ this _

_ 12:00 Yosuke Hanamura: pick up!! adachi turned himself in 4 the murders!! even vonfessed nd all that naoto just told us _

_ 12:01 Yosuke Hanamura: theyre almost done w questioning him naotos gonna update us _

_ 12:30 Yosuke Hanamura: dojimas here. didnt talk but looks rdy to kill _

The next message is sent significantly later, close to his arrival in Tokyo.

_ 13:55 Yosuke Hanamura: yu pls answer the phone _

_ 13:56 Yosuke Hanamura: partner please this is urgent _

_ 13:57 Yosuke Hanamura: adachi said u destroyed evidence that couldve made a difference _

_ 14:37 Yosuke Hanamura: tell me its not true _

_ 14:38 Yosuke Hanamura: pls call me when u can _

_ 15:30 Yosuke Hanamura: heard u got arrested pls tell me ur alright _

_ 15:43: Yosuke Hanamura: yu please _

After that, it seemed like Yosuke had given up on texting and resigned to calls. Yu’s hands shake violently and he bites back his tears. A strained sound leaves his throat. ‘Tell me it’s not true’ well, it is. It’s true and there’s nothing he can do about it. Adachi’s turned himself in and his own court date is only 2 days from now. 

He wants to tell Yosuke that he’s right; it’s not true. Adachi is lying through his teeth to bring down the person that was closest to apprehending him because he’s evil like that.

Yosuke would probably see right through it. He’s smart like that, and he knows Yu. He can also spot a lie, especially if it’s Yu lying.

He exits the message thread with Yosuke and checks the others. They’re mostly variations of the same thing. His friends were probably together when they wrote the texts. Rise seems absolutely broken in hers, spamming exclamation points and sad faces. Naoto is the most composed one, using punctuation and not sending messages one after another. She’s asking for him to call her as well.

Yu sighs because it seems like the exhaustion from last night is back with a vengeance. All he wants to do right now is flop back on his bed, close his eyes and sleep until everything is gone. He knows dealing with the rejection of his friends is going to be painful, there’s no way he can deny it. Even so, he wants to hide away from it until the last moment. Yu doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready to face it and see his betrayal in their eyes.

His phone rings and Yu startles, dropping it to the ground. To his dismay, it doesn’t shatter right then and there. It continues ringing and with every tone, panic grips Yu’s heart more and more. He picks it up with shaky fingers.

_ It’s fine I don’t have to answer It’s fine I don’t have to answer It’s fine I don’t have to answer _

The name  _ Yosuke Hanamura  _ flashes on the screen and Yu realizes that he does, in fact, have to answer. He owes his friends the truth (that he betrayed them and threw away everything they worked for) and he owes them the truest version of himself (a traitor).

He’s about to break his own heart as well as theirs.

Yu presses the button to accept the call, perhaps a bit too forcefully. Inhaling deeply, he brings the phone to his ear.

Yosuke sounds surprised when he speaks. ‘Yu? Partner?’

He still calls Yu partner. That’s a good sign.

‘Are you there?’

Yu gulps. ‘Y-Yeah. Yes, I’m here.’

‘Guys, he answered!’ Yosuke shouts in the background, probably to the rest of the Investigation Team. ‘Hey, dude. How… how are you?’ Relief is obvious in Yosuke’s voice, like he’s been holding his breath for some time before talking.

‘Are you dumb?’ Chie’s voice is tinier, farther apart from Yosuke’s phone. ‘How do you think he is?’

Yu chuckles. Some of the tension is dissipating from his limbs. ‘I’m okay. I think.’

‘You have no idea how happy I am to hear that,’ Yosuke says. ‘Oh, Naoto’s asking if anyone at the station in Tokyo was too rough, or anything-- woah, hey! Give that back!’ His voice fades in the background while a feminine one takes its place.

‘Senpai, if anything like that happened, please tell me so I can have a talk with the Tokyo Department.’

Naoto seems calm, but Yu can guess the rage is just bubbling under her skin waiting for his answer.

‘No, nothing too bad,’ Yu responds.

‘I’m glad to hear. Now, if you don’t mind, could we please discuss the updated murder case with you?’

Yu frowns and settles at his desk, taking out a ripped piece of paper from a drawer. ‘Are you allowed to do that? I’m a suspect under investigation, you know?’ He searches for a pen in another drawer, holding his phone between his shoulder and ear. The case gives him new motivation. It almost feels like he’s back in Inaba, conspiring with his friends on the rooftop of Junes.

‘We’ll get to that. For now, we need your deduction skills,’ Naoto says. She talks of Adachi’s confession, beginning to end. No feelings, just facts, like the detective she is. As bad as Yu feels right now, talking like it’s such a revelation for him that Adachi is the true culprit, the details of his confession really put the pieces into place; how he got Namatame to take over his ‘game’, what happened to Mitsuo, how the first murders occured… Of course, Adachi would be the perfect culprit. He put this happy atittude and, since everyone knew him, he could have approached Saki and Miss Yamano with ease.

After the story ends, Yu can’t help but ask, ‘Did he say anything about the TV World? To the police?’

Naoto hums. ‘I doubt it. They wouldn’t have believed it, anyway. Apparently, this confession might be enough to convict him anyway and they want this case over and done with.’

He nods, even though Naoto can’t see him. ‘Alright.’

An awkward silence falls, even though some people are shifting on the other end. He knows what they’re about to ask him and Yu wonders if he can say goodbye and hang up before they can get the first word out.

‘Dude,’ Yosuke’s got the phone again, ‘I just want you to know… None of us actually believe you… really did that.’ He sounds insecure about it, though. ‘There’s no way you would do it because you wanted to, partner.’

He hesitates, urging Yu to confirm it. ‘Right?’

Yu scrunches his face. Maybe if he keeps his eyes closed long enough tears won’t spill out. The easy conversation they’d had while discussing the case was long gone; now the pressure all fell on him to acknowledge his wrongdoings because it was the right thing to do. It’s right to tell the truth; it will set you free. It’s wrong to burn evidence, but it’s right to give someone another chance. It makes you a good person. It makes you forgiving and tolerant and good and right.

He doesn’t necessarily want to do it, but if he hides the truth from his friends, it would be easier for them. Yu wouldn’t have to go through the trial alone, even if it meant his friends found out the truth in the end. They could have back their leader and they’d abandon the thought of betrayal, if only for a short time. 

It’s not right, but he has to. Yu needs his friends right now. If not for them, he’d be falling apart. There’s no new beginnings if his team isn’t there. Yu doesn’t want a fresh start without them.

‘Of course I didn’t.’ Stab to his heart. ‘Yosuke, I didn’t know about his involvement until then.’ Another stab. His heart is bleeding.

Yosuke exhales and his voice relaxes. ‘I know. I wasn’t doubting you or anything… I just wanted to hear you say it. Anyways, Naoto saw the recording or whatever and said that it looks like he’s coercing you.’

_ What? _

‘What?’

‘Yeah it looked real intense. You seemed really… how do I put this… really jumpy. Even when you burned that thing, your hands were shaking really badly, dude. I mean, no judgement, I’d probably be even worse if he’d been threatening me in the real world.’

Shuffling sounds are heard and Yu takes this moment to breathe in, breathe out. If Naoto had really seen the recording, she would have heard him telling Adachi loud and clear that he’s on his side. There would be no debating. So, there are only two options: either Naoto hasn’t seen the recording or she’s shielding Yu for some reason.

‘Senpai, it’s me again,’ Naoto says on the line. ‘I really shouldn’t be speaking about this without you, but I trust you and your actions.’

Yu clenches his jaw. ‘Okay.’

‘I did see the recording, yes. I didn’t hear what was spoken, though,’ she emphasizes. ‘For some reason, the audio on the recording was badly corrupted. The image was a bit too static-filled as well, so they couldn’t decipher what Adachi was saying. Also, your back is turned to the camera, so the only thing they could observe were your mannerisms. This is everything they have against you. It’s shaky, and you confirmed Adachi had coerced you into destroying the evidence.’

Yu’s blood goes cold. Another stab to his heart.

‘Senpai, I believe it’s not going to hold up in court.’

Yu laughs out in disbelief. It’s not happy, but it’s not sad. He feels guilty for getting away with it, but if it means he gets to keep his friends, he’ll take it. If it means Yosuke will never find out what Adachi called him, he’d shelter all the guilt in the world on his shoulders.

‘That’s… good to know. I was worried that, with the sound on, they’d get the wrong impression or something…’

Naoto sighs out of relief. ‘It would certainly complicate things. Regardless, I have faith that this will be settled quickly.’

‘Hey! Can I get my damn phone back?’ The sound of the phone being tossed makes Yu cringe as he distances it from his ear.

‘Thank you!’ Yosuke says sarcastically. ‘Anyway, bro, trial or no trial, Adachi’s confession means this case is finally closed for good. So, we thought of something…’

‘What is it?’ Yu asks.

‘Golden Week is coming up pretty soon, right? How about we have a celebration then? We could have a sleepover at the Amagi Inn-- oh, wait, Yukiko says it might be too full then. Oh well,’ he says dismissively, ‘we’ll think of something. What do you say?’

_ I don’t deserve it. _

‘Sure. I’d love to.’

‘Great! It’s settled then! We’ll see you at the court, partner!’

Yu’s heart stops. Really, he can’t breathe. Is his brain still there? Did Yosuke just say that they’ll be at court?

‘Y-You’re coming? To my t-trial?’ he croaks out, his throat constricting painfully.

‘We thought it might help if there were some familiar faces in the crowd. Dojima even agreed with us. He’ll be there too!’ Yosuke sounds very chipper about it, but it only makes Yu want to die more. 

‘Yu? Are you still there?’

He can’t take it anymore. ‘I have to go.’

‘Wait a sec, Rise wants to--’

Yu shuts his phone and hurls his phone onto his bed. It misses and hits the wall, but he can’t find it in him to care right now. Instead, he gets up from his chair and immediately needs to catch himself on his desk because his eyesight is being bombarded with black spots. He feels like he’s dying. He’s having a heart attack right here, in his room, because he’s going to lose everyone he loves and it’s his own fault. Tears stream down his cheeks as he lowers himself to the ground, trying to breathe through his panic. His heart is beating so fast, Yu is sure it’s going to get itself through his ribcage and out his chest. He puts both his hands over it, eyes darting around the room, trying very hard not to scream in fear.

_________________________________________________________________________

  
  


The panic clouding his head drowns, eventually, and Yu realizes that he’s not dying. He dislodges himself from the fetal position he’d assumed on the floor and wipes his cheeks. 

Yu heard once that people feel better after crying, something about not internalizing emotions for too long. He felt like he understood it at the time but he’d only really needed it once, after Nanako almost died. Yosuke had come back and held him as he cried, tormenting himself over his choice to spare Namatame. Crying really had helped him then, especially since Yosuke was there to support him breaking down.

But now, he had been alone. And that hadn’t been crying, not really. That was more like… hyperventilating? Thinking he was going to die alone on the floor of his bedroom? It left him feeling more numb than anything. He stood on the floor for a long time, thinking about nothing at all, until his father knocked softly on the door.

‘Yu, it’s late. Your mother wants to talk.’

Yu really doesn’t want to talk, but he doesn’t want her to see him puffy-eyed and distant by coming into his room either. He clears his throat, but it still sounds scratchy as he tells his father okay. Footsteps fade away and Yu finally leaves his room to go wash the saltine from his face.

Ichika Narukami is waiting at the dinner table, a coffee mug next to her and papers strewn about. The bags under her eyes tell Yu she didn’t go to sleep last night. Still, she’s as composed as ever, writing in her notebook.

Yu shifts in the doorway. ‘Good morning.’

She huffs out a laugh and motions for him to sit down. He obliges and sits stiffly in the chair, twiddling his thumbs. Yu knows she’s mad. Who wouldn’t be, though?

‘I don’t know if I’m more furious at you or my brother,’ Ichika mutters. ‘I leave you in his care for a year and you come back a criminal.’

Yu refrains from telling her that the last year had been the best year of his life and that he’d like to live in Inaba forever. He could probably live without all the accomplice stuff though.

‘It’s not his fault. He had no idea that I was going to visit Adachi.’

She closes her notebook abruptly. ‘So, let me get this straight: you aided a criminal with destroying the evidence that linked him to the murders. You also hid the fact that you knew what he’d done from the police.’ She put her face in her hands.

‘I didn’t know he was the murderer until I visited him. I-I mean, I had my suspicions, but I wasn’t 100% sure until then and I didn’t have any proof,’ Yu explains himself. It’s not really a lie, but it’s not exactly the truth either.

‘Why did you do it, Yu?’

Here it is; the question he’s been asking himself since he left the police station. Why did he do it? Adachi hadn’t been that good of a friend. He was really lazy and came to his house mostly for the cooking. He did confide in Yu with some memories, but that was about it. Nothing special, nothing to make him stand out.

And still Yu had helped him.

‘I thought… maybe if he got a second chance he’d become better. Live an honest life, move away from Inaba or something.’

Ichika sighs tiredly. ‘He did technically confess, so he did do one good thing. He’s become so honest he’s willing to sell you out for the sake of ’justice’.’

Yu looks down at the table, the wooden design suddenly very interesting.

‘Do you understand why it was a bad decision? This man does not care about you and he certainly doesn’t care about justice. He’s mad that he was caught and took the opportunity to bring you down too.’ His mother stares at him with stern eyes, but Yu can spot that familiar kindness.

‘I do understand. It’s just… I thought I could ‘fix’ him somehow. It was a dumb thought.’

She nods. ‘It was. But what’s done is done. Yu, I know you’re not a bad person and I believe your story. You’ve always been like this, loyal until the end. I know you think that every person deserves a second chance and, personally, I think that’s admirable.’ Yu perches up to see his mother smiling faintly. ‘However, I doubt the judge will be sympathetic to your story. A crime is a crime, no matter the reason it was done for. I’ll do my best to get you a lesser sentence, okay?’

Yu’s lips thin into a line. ‘There’s something else I have to tell you.’

Ichika frowns and sits straight on the chair, crossing her arms. ‘What is it?’

He tells his mother what Naoto told him: the recording doesn’t have any sound. At first she’s reluctant to believe it, even when Yu mentions that Naoto works as a detective, but quickly arrives at the conclusion that this is the best shot they have for Yu to be let off. It’s not safe, she says, because you never know what could happen in the police force and his trust shouldn’t run so deep with his friends. 

Finally, Ichika agrees to build the case around this loophole and she gets to work. They agree that Yu’s going to plead guilty under duress which should soften the sentence, if not remove it altogether. Along with the fact that Yu’s record is clean and he gets good grades, the judge will most likely go easy on him.

As Yu and his mother plan away, he can’t help but think of his friends’ happy faces.

_________________________________________________________________________

  
  


In the morning of March 23rd, Yu stares at his reflection in the mirror. He keeps picking at his blazer, keeps running his hands through his hair even though it looks exactly the same every time. It’s kind of surreal that this is actually happening. In spite of all preparations, he’d tried to ignore it yesterday. The trial seemed like it would be happening  _ sometime in the far future _ , but it had actually only been a couple of hours.

Yu didn’t sleep. He’d been too busy not thinking. 

His phone buzzed on his bed. He was way too exhausted to panic at this point, so he just picked it up and flipped it open.

‘Hello?’ he said, messing with his tie absentmindedly.

‘Hey, partner!’ Yu could almost hear Yosuke’s grin. ‘We’re almost at the courthouse.’

He’s saying like this is some fun field trip they're going on together. It unsettles Yu.

‘Okay.’

Yosuke picks up on his quiet voice. ‘You okay, dude? Are you worried?’

_ I’m actually terrified, so, yeah. _

‘Just a bit,’ Yu says and shuts the door to his room. __

‘Well, don’t be. Whatever happens, I’ll be right by your side! We’re partners for life, and don’t you forget it.’

Wow, Yosuke is trying really hard to be brave for Yu. That’s a lot of reassurement for one sentence.

It does make Yu feel more confident, though.

‘Thanks, Yosuke. I’ll see you there.’ Yu struggles to sound less like he’s approaching immediate death.

‘See ya, partner,’ Yosuke says and hangs up.

That was too many 'partners' for one conversation. It seems like maybe Yosuke is feeling the stress too, even if he’d assured Yu he didn’t doubt his story.

They meet in front of the courthouse as planned and Yu notices that his friends dressed for the occasion too. Even Kanji discarded his punk attire for a white button-up shirt. He squeezes Yu’s shoulder reassuringly while Rise clings to his arm, saying how much she missed him. Yukiko and Naoto both offer sincere smiles and quiet greetings. Chie’s dress looks a little awkward on her, but maybe it’s just that he’s never really seen Chie wear a dress. She hugs him tightly and smiles.

Before he can answer, Chie’s pushed aside with a surprised yelp and strong hands are hugging him. He lets his head fall on the individual’s shoulder when he realizes who it is. Yu inhales deeply.

‘Partner,’ he mumbles in Yosuke’s shoulder and Yu really wants to start crying right now and never move from the comfort of Yosuke’s body against his.

Yosuke breaks the hug but his smile falls when he takes a better look at Yu.

‘Woah, Yu--’

He’d seen his own bloodshot eyes and dark circles that looked like bruises. There was no need for Yosuke to tell him he looked like absolute crap, he already knew it.

His uncle is off to the side talking to his mother and Yu takes this opportunity to switch the subject.

‘Have you found any sign of Teddie?’

The group shake their heads in dismay. ‘We went in there yesterday and I searched for him with Himiko. He’s definitely in the TV World, I just can’t tell where…’ Rise says and lowers her head. ‘I wish he could be here.’

‘Yeah,’ Yu says. ‘Me too.’

_________________________________________________________________________

  
  


Yu sits in the front row and vaguely realizes that he’s very unprepared for this. He manages to keep himself from hyperventilating by concentrating on his friends’ hushed voices speaking in the background. He feels sweaty and jittery, like he could just bolt out of here.

The judge, Tanaka-san, is a woman in her fifties probably. Her hair is graying and her eyes are cold behind her wire-framed glasses. Tanaka-san’s face expression is serious and she seems to analyze Yu’s every move, making notes in her head. He feels self-conscious, out in the open like this.

_ It’ll be over soon. _

Ichika starts talking on his behalf, bringing up the story they’d decided on. 

‘Narukami-san knew he’d be leaving Inaba and wanted to say goodbye to an acquaintance he’d made, Detective Tohru Adachi. He met Adachi at the station; they talked for a couple of minutes when Detective Adachi asked for a favor. Narukami-san asked what it was. Detective Adachi then left the room and brought the piece of evidence, a letter. Narukami-san initially refused to touch it, knowing it was evidence. Detective Adachi then became distressed and threatened Narukami-san with physical violence, against him and his family. Thus, without any choice and in a vulnerable position, Narukami-san burned the letter while struggling to keep calm as to not aggravate Detective Adachi further. Detective Adachi then taunted Narukami-san with his involvement and promised he’d be keeping tabs on him.

Your Honor, my son does not deny his actions. He knows what he did is a crime. However, he was being threatened and coerced by Detective Adachi to act as his proxy by destroying evidence.’

Judge Tanaka seems to ponder this. ‘And you are confident in your son’s retelling of this incident? As his mother, it’s impossible to come here unbiased. This court of law values honesty.’

His mother kept her confident attitude and bowed deeply. ‘I have faith in my son. Thank you.’

Judge Tanaka nodded towards the other side. ‘State, you are open to make your case.’

A tall man in a smart suit stands up and opens a briefcase. Yu cranes his neck and sees the infamous tape. Sweat clings to his neck. He opens his water bottle and gulps down. Next to him, his mother watches the other man carefully as he begins speaking.

‘Your Honor, I do not believe Narukami-san had been coerced or somehow threatened into his actions.’

Yu’s jaw tightens and he worries he’s going to shatter his teeth.

‘Why is that?’ Judge Tanaka asks.

‘Evidence suggests otherwise.' He raises the tape for all to see. 'This tape was recorded on the 21st of March and it shows this event as it went down. Do I have your permission to play it?’

‘Go ahead.’

The man inserts the tape and, on a large-screen television to Yu’s left, playback begins. It’s grainy at first, which Yu decides is good. Adachi then steps into the room and talks.

Wait.

Adachi is talking and Yu can hear him clearly. He’s asking Yu if he’s been waiting long. His mother’s stiffness next to him assures him he's not the only one that can hear it. He turns his head towards his friends, sitting in the back. Naoto looks puzzled, but not otherwise concerned.

‘I’d confirmed with Ryotaro that the audio was damaged… so why…?’ His mom mumbles next to him. Yu doesn’t have an answer to her question. He grabs the edge of the wooden bench his sitting on to calm his trembling hands. His heart races in his chest and he just wants to get up and smash that television.

His yell of ‘I’m on your side!’ breaks through his thoughts and he sees himself, back turned, basically begging Adachi to tell him the truth.

_ Shut up shut up shut up _

He’s been caught. Adachi leaves the room. Returns with the letter and a lighter. It’s Dojima’s. Yu’s with him. 

He burns the letter and watches it go up in smoke, along with the bonds he’s made.

There's a burnt smell tickling his nostrils. Is the courthouse on fire?

‘Do you understand what you just did?  **YOU DESTROYED EVIDENCE! THAT’S A CRIME, YOU KNOW!’**

It rings in his head because, yes, he knows, it’s a crime, he’s a criminal, that’s why he’s here. Adachi laughs in that awful way again, the one he struggled to forget.

**GOODBYE,**

**PARTNER.**

Yu feels like he's about to vomit.

The recording ends and the courtroom is silent. 

Yosuke heard that. He heard Adachi call him partner. He turns his head and makes eye contact. Yosuke just looks… stunned. He’s not moving, he looks like he’s not breathing, but his eyes meet Yu’s. A single tear slips out and Yu turns back to his place. He can’t watch his best friend break down because of something he did, or he’s going to lose it, right here, in front of the judge. He hears muffled cries.

‘Anything to say in your defense?’ Judge Tanaka asks, hammer in hand.

‘I--’

‘This disproves Narukami-san’s previous account of being coerced and threatened,’ The man with the tape says. ‘It confirms he destroyed evidence of his own accord, with intention to cover up the murders of Mayumi Yamano and Saki Konishi and Detective Adachi did not force him into doing anything. I rest my case. Thank you, your honor.’

The man bows deeply and resumes his previous seat. Yu’s world slowly crumbles around him. His mother pinches the bridge of her nose.

‘This evidence is certainly enough to warrant judgement.’

‘Your Honor, if I may,’ the man from the state interrupts, but the judge urges him to go on. ‘Since the defendant is a minor and has a clean record, the State is prepared to offer a deal for a lesser sentence. Instead of 1 year and 6 months in juvenile prison, if Narukami-san will plead guilty to the crime of tampering with evidence knowingly and with intent, he will instead be sent on probation in the town of Inaba for 3 months. If his criminal record remains intact while he is on probation, this crime will be erased and he’ll be able to continue his life freely.’

The Judge seems perplexed. ‘I think that’s too light a sentence. However, it is up to the State to handle plea deals.’

They both turn to Yu, who’s just frozen in his seat. His mother is speaking to him in his ear. ‘I think something about this deal is fishy. We need to discuss it.’ 

Yu stands and ignores her.

‘Your Honor, I plead guilty,’ He says and his legs are about to give out and he needs the table in front of him to stand. Ichika gasps and stands up as well, shouting out in the courtroom. Judge Tanaka bangs her hammer until it’s quiet again, thankfully.

‘Yu Narukami, the court accepts your plea of guilty. Your probation begins tomorrow, which you’ll be serving out in the town of Inaba.’ She bangs the hammer again. ‘Court is adjourned.’

Everyone stands up and Yu finally musters up the courage to look up at his friends. Kanji is consoling Naoto, who’s crying silently. Rise is almost wailing in her hands and Yukiko and Chie are hugging, each shaking wish sobs. None of them are looking at him and he’s grateful for that because he doesn’t deserve their tears. He moves his eyes to Yosuke and he’s surprised to find him staring right into his soul again, only this time he’s not numb and empty. He’s furious.

Yu reaches out just as Yosuke stands up, gathers his things and goes right out the door.

‘W-Wai--’

‘Yu. Let’s go.’ His mother puts a hand on his shoulder.

‘I have to--’

‘Not right now. Let’s go home.’

And so Yu goes, away from the courthouse and heading into a town that was his home and is about to become his nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading <33 the real plot begins now


	4. i don't know anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'There’s no one here to welcome him. Even though he’d been expecting it, it still stings his stomach, realizing Dojima knew he’d be coming and didn’t come to pick him up.
> 
> He gives his friends the benefit of the doubt. It’s better to assume that they just didn’t know the time. Or they hadn’t wanted to know it.'

He’s back on the train heading to Inaba when Yu feels the sensation of the unnatural sleep that comes with being pulled into the Velvet Room. He can’t fight it so he just lets his head lean on the window, grateful that there isn't anyone around him.

His eyes fall closed and almost assumes he’s actually just falling asleep but he’s dragged out from the darkness and into a blue vehicle. It’s still moving, Yu notices, albeit slower than before. At least it’s not stagnant anymore. 

He doesn’t speak and watches the residents carefully. Igor sits in the middle, large grin and big nose and everything. Some tarot cards are strewn about in front of him. He’s watching Yu, his dubious smile never faltering once. Next to him Margaret has her head down, staring down the Compendium like she’s about to burn a hole through it. Her knuckles have gone white while gripping the book so hard. None of them say anything for a while. Yu kind of wants to apologize to both of them even though he doubts it would matter. His failure is directly connected to the Velvet Room so it wouldn’t change anything.

‘It seems you have failed to fulfill the contract,’ Igor says, finger lightly tapping the other hand. ‘You should not be here.’

Yu wants to say that he knows, but Igor doesn’t let him. ‘Furthermore, it seems like we have not stopped yet. That is, indeed, a delightful sign. There is hope for you, yet the mystery has only deepened.’

‘I made a mistake,’ Yu finally says.

‘That might be, though it was of your volition. Nothing is without reason, you should know this.’

His reason was trusting a murderer just because he’d shown Yu some fake part of him. That’s making him feel miserable every time he’s reminded of it.

‘The Persona Compendium is still available, although…’ Margaret frowns deeply. ‘I apologize, something appears to be wrong with most of the Personas. I have never seen this... I advise you to use only the ones of the Star, Justice, Devil, Death, Hermit and Hunger Arcana. Oh, and it seems like the Hunger Arcana is especially powerful at this time.’

Margaret smiles kindly, but it only makes Yu feel more unsettled.

The Hunger Arcana seems to be taunting him in the form of a tarot card, shining atop of the Compendium.

‘Do you know what’s wrong with the other ones?’ Yu asks and dreads the answer.

She waves the Hunger card away. ‘I believe the social links pertaining to the respective Arcanas have been either broken or damaged.’

Yu really wants to leave the Velvet Room, spare himself of the painful explanation. ‘...Can you tell me which?’

‘The Hierophant, The Tower, The Moon, The Sun,’ Margaret starts and continues reciting, ‘The Strength, The Temperance, The Hanged Man, The Chariot, The Lovers, The Priestess, The Fortune, The Emperor and The Magician.’

_ That’s… most of them. Most of my friends hate me. _

‘Do you know how I could fix them?’ Yu asks, knowing the answer is going to disappoint him.

Margaret shakes her head. ‘How or if you do so is entirely up to you.’

Yu’s lips form a thin line. He’s really stuck; if there is something more to this that didn’t get resolved with Adachi being arrested, he’s not going to be able to face it alone. He’s going to need the Investigation Team.

‘Do not fret; bonds that have been brokered cannot be fully broken. You have to search for them, make them see the potential they still hold.’ Igor is preparing to send him on his way, Yu realizes. ‘Your enemy is greater than you can imagine and it is preparing. The task of all worlds rests on your shoulders. Be on your guard,’ he finishes and Yu’s eyelids grow heavy again.

The first thing that greets him is the announcement that Inaba is the next stop. Yu checks his phone; it displays the same exact thing as last time.

_ No new messages _

It is now the morning of the 25th. Yu’s been riding this train for what seems like his whole life but also 2 seconds. He’s dreading, absolutely dreading setting foot in Inaba, seeing familiar faces in town that once looked at him with kindness only to now look at him with contempt. His stomach ties itself into knots when he retrieves his bag and heads to the back of the train. Yu grips the bag until it hurts and chews on his lower lip. 

The train slows down and ultimately stops. Yu wills his feet to move and he finally gets off. There’s no need to take in his surroundings; he knows them too well. He keeps his head down as he walks, so far so good. Yu realizes he’s way too paranoid about everything, but he just wants to head home.

_ Dojima’s house _ , he corrects himself.

He’s down the steps, turning his head left to right. There’s still some fog, but definitely not as much as it had been a few days ago. It’s not as thick, not in his face as much, like it’s trying to suffocate him. Yu can see the houses ahead.

That’s when he notices it.

There’s no one here to welcome him. Even though he’d been expecting it, it still stings his stomach, realizing Dojima knew he’d be coming and didn’t come to pick him up.

_ I deserve it. _

He gives his friends the benefit of the doubt. It’s better to assume that they just didn’t know the time. Or they hadn’t wanted to know it.

A woman with a Junes bag walks by while he’s still stuck in his sorry state. Yu recognizes her, even though she doesn’t look her way. He’d grown cabbages for her in the garden just a few months ago.

He finally sets off towards the Dojima residence. Yu doesn’t need directions, he knows the roads by heart. His mind wanders while he walks like he’s on autopilot. There’s one thought stuck in his head, like it’s on repeat.

_ This isn’t my home anymore. _

* * *

Thankfully, he doesn’t see anyone he knows on his way to the house. Yu’s grateful to the universe for this small blessing.

He lingers in front of the door. Yu’s really unsure on how he should behave now. Is he supposed to ring the doorbell? Let himself in? He still has a key and if Dojima is home, the door would be unlocked anyway.

He’s still fumbling for the key after he decides to just enter when the door opens. Dojima stands in the doorway, fixing Yu down with his stare.

‘You’re here. Great.’

He sounds less than pleased.

Yu lowers his head in shame. He thought he’d be ready for the scrutinizing treatment from Dojima, but it’s really getting to him and he hasn’t even stepped in.

He goes inside and Yu follows, shutting the door behind him. He toes off his shoes and is left standing awkwardly in the hallway. Dojima falls on the couch and turns his attention to the TV that’s broadcasting the news.

Beer bottles litter the kitchen and Yu pretends he doesn’t see them while he heads up to his room. The familiar jingle of the Junes commercial catches his ear and he turns, but Dojima has already changed the channel. 

Yu thinks he catches a glimpse of brown pigtails while he rips his gaze away.

* * *

His room looks exactly the same. Not surprising, since it’s been 4 days since he’s been in it. He lays down the futon and collapses on it.

Yu spends a long time staring at the ceiling.

There were so many things wrong with that trial. Naoto wouldn’t have lied to protect him, considering the lie. His sentence was way too lenient and the deal way too convenient. Three months for destroying evidence in a murder case? Something is most definitely wrong.

But what can he do now, except follow it? It’s only for three months and the case is already solved. It might be painful, but he deserved way worse. As in, juvenile hall worse. He can't ignore what Igor said, though... That his greatest enemy yet is preparing. That's not something he can just overlook, along with the unnatural fog. It's not in his nature to just let things unfinished, even if it costs him his life.

Dojima doesn’t come up to him for the rest of the day. Yu sees him sleeping in the same spot on the couch when he comes down to grab something for dinner. It’s unsettling, seeing Dojima so inactive.

Yu wonders when Nanako’s supposed to come home. The doctors said April, right before school starts. She wouldn’t be allowed to actually attend school, but at least she wouldn’t be stuck in that lifeless hospital.

Did his friends visit Nanako? Would his uncle allow him to visit her? Should he even ask Dojima?

‘ _ Everyday’s great at your Junes!’ _

Yu drops the glass. It shatters in a thousand pieces and he steps in one, piercing his leg. He yelps in surprise and somehow manages to slip and land on his back, knocking his head on the kitchen tiles. His vision goes black for just a second that feels like 10 minutes. 

It’s like he’s trapped underwater, drowning. He’s unable to move and just lies there. Nothing registers even though he’s sure he must be hurt somehow.

There’s a hand on his head and then he’s being pushed up. The world comes crashing in with the pain. Yu gasps, but he can’t catch his breath. His head throbs and his leg stings. His sock is wet. Shards of glass dig into his palms. His lungs seem like they’re lagging behind and--

‘You broke a glass, calm down.’

It’s Dojima. He woke Dojima up. Dojima, who despises him. And he broke his glass. He’s bleeding on his kitchen floor.

‘I-I’m,’ Yu struggles to get the words out at first, but they end up spilling out of him. ‘I’m sorry-- I’m sorry,’ he’s out of breath. Was the world always this overwhelming? ‘I’ll clean it, I’m sorry--'

Dojima shifts. ‘It’s just a glass, that’s alright.’ He sighs. ‘You’re bleeding, we need to patch you up.’

Yu is aware that his apologies barely make sense through his labored breaths. It’s not about the glass anymore, but Dojima doesn’t seem like he understands.

‘I get it.’ Had Yu said that out loud? ‘We’ll talk about it after. Come on, you’re getting my kitchen dirty.’

Dojima guides him up and Yu leans on him. His breathing still feels erratic and his chest hurts, but the pain in his leg grounds him. They somehow manage to avoid the rest of the shards and make it to the couch. Dojima’s gone to get the first aid kit so Yu sits alone on the couch, surrounded only by his panic.

He broke a glass in the kitchen. He protected a murderer. He destroyed evidence. What is it with him and failing in everything he does?

He doesn’t even notice Dojima taking off his sock and picking the glass. He flinches when it stings. His uncle says nothing, cleaning the wound diligently. 

Yu finally finds his calm voice. ‘Thank you.’

Dojima grunts. ‘You should be more careful.’

He can only nod in response.

‘There’s only a scratch on your head and it’s not even bleeding.’ He sits down next to Yu.

None of them say anything for a few seconds. Yu almost musters up the courage to say good night and hobble up the stairs in a hurry, but Dojima snaps him out of his train of thought.

‘Yu, I don’t hate you.’

His head snaps up. It doesn’t seem like his uncle notices.

‘I don’t hate you, but I… I don’t get it. I’m mad, sure, but more than that, I’m confused.’ He looks at Yu. ‘And it doesn’t help that my sister chewed me up.’

‘I’m so--’

‘Please don’t say you’re sorry. I  _ know  _ you are. I can tell that you didn’t actually do it to… throw us off, if that makes sense.’ Dojima lays a reassuring hand on his knee. ‘But I have to hear your reasoning.’

Yu mulls over the words in his head before talking. ‘I thought… I could handle him myself. I thought there was something that could set him right again. It sounds dumb, but I expected him to… maybe become a better person, somehow. Give himself another chance.’ Yu said the same exact thing to his mother and she understood, but Dojima might not. After all, this case is closer to him. It's personal.

Dojima listens. He looks away from Yu. ‘I thought he was joking when he came to turn himself in… I didn’t even take him seriously, even though every piece fit around him. God…’

The man drags an arm over his tired face while Yu can only watch and pray he understands.

‘Yu, you’re my nephew. Over the last year, you’ve become a part of this family to me and Nanako. And family’s gotta support one another through hard times.’

He doesn’t stumble over his words like he used to last year, Yu notices. Dojima is confident in what he says and it make Yu feel proud, in a way, but also reassured. It means he can still repair everything he destroyed.

It’s a small flicker of hope, but it’s enough for him.

Dojima smiles, and he seems exhausted, but the hidden kindness is obvious. ‘I haven’t forgiven you yet for what you did. And it might be a long time before I do, but… you’re a good kid. I haven’t forgotten that.’

For the first time since everything went to hell, Yu’s tears come in the form of relief, not fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda short, mostly filler, shits about to hit the fan


	5. pack us up and leave me with it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "‘Hi, guys,’ Yu speaks quietly, carefully trying out his almost shaking voice.
> 
> There is a sweet, sweet moment when Yu thinks they would just leave. Pass him by and leave it at that, maybe laugh about it later.
> 
> That is not what happens.
> 
> Yu catches Yosuke’s face morphing from relaxed into white anger and him rushing forward, not really running but still moving aggressively. Chie and Yukiko both shout after him but their calls fall on deaf ears. Yosuke pushes Yu and he barely manages to catch himself from falling on his back.
> 
> ‘You! You think you can just show your face here?!’"

The talk with Dojima had helped; it hadn’t banished all of Yu’s bad thoughts away, but it still eased his mind nonetheless. For some time, he hadn’t been sure if Dojima would actually welcome him. He didn’t, but Yu was grateful for the understanding. Dojima still wasn’t very talkative but at least he wasn’t ignoring Yu. They cleaned the house together, as it had fallen into a state of disarray, from the bottles in the kitchen to the dust on the shelves.

  


Dojima didn’t want to admit it, but it was clear that he wasn’t faring well on his own. Nanako’s absence was leaving its mark on the man, however often he visited her.

When Dojima asked Yu if he wanted to come with him to the hospital, he agreed immediately. He explained to Yu that he hadn’t told Nanako that he was coming back.

  


‘I really think we shouldn’t tell her the details. She’ll just be happy you’re here,’ Dojima had said.

  


Yu couldn’t help but agree. He wasn’t sure if Nanako would understand what he did and he definitely didn’t want to overwhelm her with the details.

Also, he didn’t want Nanako to think of him as a bad person. The nightmare of her morphing into a shadow after telling Yu she hates him resurfaces in his mind and he winces. 

  


‘Right.’

  


Nanako was, of course, thrilled to hear that her Big Bro was going to continue living with her. 

  


‘Big Bro! I missed you so much!’

  


She beamed at Yu and he decided her smile was enough for him to make it through the days that would follow. He held her hand; even though she was much better, she still lacked strength and she tired easily. At least the oxygen mask was gone.

He reluctantly asked her if the others had visited and she mentioned that Yukiko and Chie had come by a few hours earlier. Yu couldn’t decide if he was glad he didn’t see them or not.

Nanako fell asleep from all the excitement sometime later, so Yu got up and walked towards the door. Dojima didn’t follow him. He looked back, but Dojima just told him to go on ahead. As he closed the door, Yu caught a glimpse of Dojima kissing Nanako’s forehead.

  


* * *

  


‘They think she’ll be able to come home, maybe in a week or so,’ Dojima told Yu on the drive home. They were driving slowly, what with all the fog around town. 

‘That’s great. Nanako’s a strong girl.’

Dojima chuckled, keeping his eyes on the road. ‘That she is.’

  


* * *

  


On the 2nd of April, the day before Nanako is supposed to come home, Yu sits in his room. They had cleaned and prepared the house as well as they could. It was maybe too clean, but the activity had provided a good distraction from the thought of school starting soon. Yu tried not to think about the fact that he’d have to face his friends come the twelfth. It crossed his mind often, but he dismissed it with mindless tasks: reading, scrubbing the kitchen sink, cleaning his closet, checking Nanako’s room again to assure everything was where it should be…

On this particular day, Dojima is at work. Yu sits on his couch, flipping through the pages of a book he read last year and re-read when he got back. He can’t really pay attention to the dialogue, but it’s not like he has something better to do. His boredom is at its peak and he considers getting started on dinner when his phone rings on the table. Dojima’s name flashes on the screen so Yu hurries to answer.

  


‘Hello?’

  


‘Yu! Are you busy this afternoon?’

_   
_

_ Obviously not, _ he thinks.

  


‘No, I’m home,’ he answers honestly.

  


‘Great!’ Dojima sounds rushed. ‘I was going to pick up some ingredients on the way home for tomorrow but some rookie’s gotten himself sick again and I have to pick up after him,’ he says and sighs. ‘I’m gonna be late tonight and everything is going to be closed by that time.’

  


‘Okay…?’ Yu urges him to continue.

  


‘Can you go and pick up some things? I can message them to you.’

  


Oh.

To be honest, Yu is going a little stir-crazy from not leaving the house in a few days, not counting the times he’d gone to water the plants next to the house. The weather isn’t too bad either.

That doesn’t mean he wants to go out, though. He definitely isn’t ready to endure the eyes of the whole town criticizing him, whispering behind his back in Junes. Worse, what if he sees someone he knows?

But he doesn't really have a good enough reason to refuse Dojima. Besides, it’s for Nanako. If it makes her smile tomorrow, well, that is enough of a reason for Yu.

  


‘Sure. What do you need?’

  


* * *

  


Walking through town is unnerving. There aren’t many people out, to Yu’s surprise. He passes by the shopping district on his way to Junes but avoids looking too much around. It looks the same as always.

He arrives at Junes and tries to bury the feeling of anxiety of meeting anyone he knows. He knows from last year that usually Yosuke doesn’t have any shifts on Mondays, but they might have changed his schedule. That was a thing retail companies did, right?

Yu goes in with a plan: before turning the corner to a new aisle, he’ll peek around to check for him or anyone else. If he’s subtle enough, nobody would notice.

The smell of Junes is still the same. Yu doesn’t waste time inspecting the vegetables and just takes whatever he can get his hands on. He rushes from aisle to aisle, making sure there’s no familiar dyed hair waiting for him on the other side. It takes longer to get everything even with his hurrying but he makes it to the register in the end. The girl working there doesn’t even raise her head as she scans his products. It’s reassuring, in a way. His arrest isn’t that interesting to some people. Or maybe she just didn’t recognize him.

He holds the bag in his left hand and takes out his phone with his right. There’s only one thing left.

Tofu.

Yu had tried not to think about the fact that he’d have to maybe face Rise. Her crying face comes up when he thinks of her name and he shudders at the thought of facing her. There’s a chance her grandmother would be tending the shop instead, as Rise is still working on her comeback.

The walk to the shopping district goes by quickly. Yu spends it worrying, as one does, but he knows he can’t avoid it. This isn’t about Nanako’s tofu anymore. It’s a chance to make things better, even if only by an apology.

He opens the door to the tofu shop and he regrets entering. There she is, back turned, apron tied at the back. Yu thinks he could maybe run and she wouldn’t even know it was him, but it’s too late. The bell above the door has rung and Rise turns.

  


‘Welcome! What can I-- Oh.’

  


Her face turns impassive and Yu’s face burns. Rise doesn’t seem sad anymore. She seems angry. 

He really, really wants to leave.

  


‘You got some nerve, coming in here.’

  


He turns his gaze away. ‘Can I get some tofu?’

  


‘How much?’

  


Yu tells her the amount and she gets to work. No other words spoken. The silence is cold and unrelenting. Rise has quite the poker face when she wants to.

He moves to pay and she hands him the plastic bag. Yu wouldn’t be surprised if she’d silently spit in it.

  


‘Asshole,’ she mumbles quitely. ‘I trusted you.’

  


He could just leave and never talk to her again after this, but he has to take the chance Rise unknowingly offered.

  


‘I didn’t mean to betray you,’ he offers.

  


Rise scoffs. ‘You still did it.’ She turns away and her voice becomes more fragile. ‘We worked so hard on this case… and you threw it all away. For some madman. You were working with him behind our backs, right?’

  


He winces softly. ‘No, it wasn’t like that.’

  


‘What was it like then? Did you just decide one day that you’d protect a murderer?’

  


Yu is getting tired of repeating the same story over and over again. ‘I wasn’t working with him, but we were friends, I guess. He was my uncle’s partner, so I knew him pretty well. He came over for dinner and all that.’

  


Rise gives him the side-eye. ‘You said you were on his side. What the hell, Yu?’

  


She’s got him there. ‘I… I was desperate. I wanted to give him another chance because I thought the one I knew was a good man, not a murderer. Does that make sense?’ He asks, waiting for Rise to say something.

She sighs instead. 

  


‘I’m sorry, Rise. I guess… I really liked pretending I was a hero, huh?’ He says the last part sarcastically, followed by a pitiful chuckle, but panics when Rise turns and she’s crying.

  


‘You’re such a dumbass, Narukami-senpai. You and your damn hero complex.’ Rise removes her apron and comes out from behind the counter. ‘You’re the worst hero ever.’

  


He bites back his own tears. ‘I know. And an awful friend.’

  


She stares up at him. ‘That too. But… I do understand where you were coming from. I think maybe I would have done the same thing…’ A small smile makes its way onto her lips and she wipes her tears on her sleeve, like a little kid. ‘I’m very disappointed,  Senpai.’

  


He smiles back. ‘I know.’

  


* * *

  


Yu leaves Marukyu Tofu still feeling horrendous, but also understood in a way he’s missed since his sentence. Even though he had rejected Rise’s confession before, they had still been very close and talking to her made Yu feel a bit better that at least one person in this whole town struggled to listen to his thought process when he’d burned the letter. 

  


‘I’m not mad, Senpai. I’m confused and disappointed in you… but I can’t be mad that you thought he deserved another chance.’ Rise had said before he left. ‘I just wish you’d told us. I thought you trusted us, Senpai. I thought we were friends.’

  


Her words stung, like rubbing alcohol on an open wound, but he could do nothing but take them. Rise was right. Not trusting them had turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

  


Familiar voices snap him out of his thinking and he almost drops the bag he’s holding as he manages to place them. Standing in the middle of the shopping district, there was no way they wouldn’t be able to see him. Panic takes a hold of his body and Yu freezes, turning around almost mechanically and locking eyes with Yosuke. A jolt of electricity runs through him.

  


His hair is still a mess but it is now longer and his roots are growing in, Yu notices. He is laughing easily along with Chie while Yukiko is sporting an amused smile, but there is something off about the motion. It’s almost like they are trying hard to feel comfortable around each other, like they are all sad in their own way and are trying to cheer up one another.

  


Their footsteps stop and Yu tightens his grip on the bag. He wants to run away and get out of their way because he knows nothing good would come out of a confrontation in the middle of the shopping district. He had been planning to swing by the inn on another day and try to speak with Yukiko, maybe plead for her to listen to him.

He wasn’t ready for another fight, nevertheless with Yosuke.

  


‘Hi, guys,’ Yu speaks quietly, carefully trying out his almost shaking voice.

  


There is a sweet, sweet moment when Yu thinks they would just leave. Pass him by and leave it at that, maybe laugh about it later.

  


That is not what happens.

  


Yu catches Yosuke’s face morphing from relaxed into white anger and him rushing forward, not really running but still moving aggressively. Chie and Yukiko both shout after him but their calls fall on deaf ears. Yosuke pushes Yu and he barely manages to catch himself from falling on his back.

  


‘You! You think you can just show your face here?!’

  


His throat going dry, Yu opens his mouth but no sound comes out.

  


‘What, you got nothing to say? Speak, you fucking coward! Are you mute all of a sudden?’ he shouts, fists clenching at his sides.

  


‘Yosuke, I--’

  


‘Don’t you dare call me by my first name. Why did you do it, huh? How long have you been covering for him?’

  


‘It wasn’t like that,’ he repeats from his earlier conversation.

  


Yosuke’s face twists and Yu almost thinks the vein on his neck would pop. ‘Bullshit! You burned the letter! If he hadn’t confessed, he’d be walking free just doing whatever he wants. You know, we worked our asses off to solve this case but looks like you already had it all figured out, didn’t you?’

  


For just a second, the expression on Yosuke’s face softens and his eyes gleam sorrowfully. ‘How could you? I thought we  _ meant  _ something to you,’ he says in a low voice.

  


_ I thought I meant something to you. _

  


Just one more crack on Yu’s heart.

  


‘Part--’ the term partially slips out without Yu noticing and he sees a flash of hurt cross Yosuke’s face. Adachi calling Yu that in the recording hurt him immensely, even if it had been done in a sarcastic tone. Yosuke had no way of knowing that. He takes a step back and Yu is already preparing his apologies and explanations before a harsh pain erupts across his cheek. Shocked, he takes a hand to it and discovers it flaming hot.

  


Yosuke had slapped him.

  


‘If you ever, I mean EVER, call me that again, I’ll make sure they find you in a ditch. Got it?’

  


Yu stares, dumbfounded, at his former friend. Shame burns in his limbs and rushes to his face. He had thought that maybe his bond with Yosuke would still be salvageable, as tight as they were. 

  


Apparently not. His words hurt, a hurt that dug deeper than Rise’s or even his uncle’s. They eat at him from inside and consume his entire being until there is nothing left but ashes of his former body. Yu hates that he’d betrayed his friends, but even more, he hates that he’d become nothing to Yosuke.

  


Yosuke’s threat is obviously not real, but it still keeps Yu tied to the spot, unable to move until someone else does it first.

  


Chie speaks up from behind Yosuke. ‘Come on. Narukami,’ she spits out his name with vengeance, ‘isn’t worth it. Let’s go.’ She puts a hand on his arm and basically manhandles him from Yu’s sight. Yosuke doesn’t put up much of a resistance, going in silence before turning one last time. 

  


‘I hate you,’ he says in a menacing voice, even though the tone was shaky and Yu presumed Yosuke was close to bursting again.

  


Yu flinches and keeps his gaze aimed at the ground, terrified to see Yosuke’s face again. Thankfully for him, they were already walking away, leaving him in the dust. Deep down, Yu was hoping that Yosuke would turn around and wink at him as he would sometimes, saying that it was a joke and laughing it off. Yu couldn’t have been mad. He would have just been relieved.

  


He’d do anything for one more pat on the back from Yosuke.

  


Yukiko walks past him. 

  


‘Goodbye, Narukami.’ she says, not pausing to spare him another glance.

  


Yu couldn’t stop the sobs making their way up and he didn’t try to contain his tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope that broke your hearts cause i almost cried while writing it


	6. turn your back on mother nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dojima makes his way in. ‘I’m sorry if I woke you.’ He’s holding a white envelope in one hand. ‘This came in the mail this morning. It’s addressed to you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone knows 11th grade computer science or the c++ language pls contact me on twitter @lesamoreuxvi i am actively dying  
> or you could come and scream about souyo, that'd be great too

It’s a long way back to the Dojima residence and Yu is so emotionally numb that he doesn’t care about the townspeople seeing his tears. He knows it’s not exactly something people feel comfortable seeing but, hey, he just lost all hope for a good year. He deserves a breakdown moment.

When he finally arrives at the house, he places the groceries in the fridge. Dojima’s obviously still at work, so there’s no way he’d be able to at least distract Yu. He climbs up the stairs to his bedroom and collapses on his futon. He’s got no energy left to do anything except stare at the ceiling and wait for the dam of emotions to break.

How did everything go so wrong?

He knows how, but sometimes it’s better to ignore that it’s all his fault and blame it all on some deity that’s messing with his life. He doesn’t feel so guilty then.

It’s a weird feeling; he’s remorseful, but also wishes his friends would be… more understanding. It’s nothing more than a thought that Yu banishes when it comes up, but it’s there, within him. He almost wishes he could be mad at his friends, as if there is a way his morals would let him.

No, it’s all his fault.

He knows it.

Yu should bear it because he’s the one that brought it upon himself.

So then, why does it hurt so much? Why does his heart ache when he finally comes face to face with them?

It’s like a hole in him, like a limb he’s suddenly missing. It still feels like it’s there when he dreams about good times. 

Yu wishes everything would just end. There’s nothing for him to do anymore. He can’t fix this. He’s not sure if it’s even worth trying and he’s so. damn. tired.

Sleep finally takes him, falling into it still crying.

* * *

Yu wakes up in the morning, distinctly remembering he wished not to. He had hoped some sleep would have helped, but he’s not really feeling any better. He’s not really feeling much.

Dojima’s downstairs, Yu can hear him bustling about. He wonders vaguely what the commotion is all about and then it hits him: Nanako is coming home today.

He throws on the first thing that he can get his hands on and rushes downstairs. He’s not about to be a bad cousin too.

Though, he kind of already is, isn’t he?

Dojima nods in greeting when he sees Yu. ‘Morning. You ready?’

Yu brushes off some inexistent dust on his shirt. ‘Of course.’

‘Not hungry?’

He shrugs. ‘A bit nervous, to be honest.’

Dojima grunts and puts out his cigarette. ‘Well, it’s almost time to leave.’

* * *

Nanako jumps around in the car. She’s still weak and so skinny, too, Yu notes with unease. Did they feed her right?

‘Big Bro, you’re gonna watch the new Neo Featherman with me, won’t you? They didn’t let me watch it at the hospital ‘cause it came on too late at night,’ Nanako pouts. Yu chuckles and ruffles her hair (it’s gotten so long), but Dojima doesn’t seem too pleased.

‘If it came on too late for the hospital, what makes you think it’s alright for home?’

Nanako crosses her arms and tries to argue her point. Meanwhile, Yu just watches.

‘Daddy! But I’m so much better!’

And she really is. This is the only thing in this town that’s worth fighting for, Yu decides. He’ll get through it, because Nanako is healthy and she made it. She’s so much stronger than him, even though she’s only 8. Her innocence makes her fierce. 

It’s the best reason Yu has right now, and that’s alright.

Yu promises her they’ll watch the show together in secret and Nanako makes him do a pinky swear.

* * *

She takes her place in front of the TV as soon as they get home. They didn’t stop anywhere else, thankfully. 

Nanako sings along to the songs on the screen and struggles to memorize the new ones she’s missed while in the hospital. Dojima hangs on the couch, watching her as his mouth curves into a smile. Yu chops away at the dinner he’s offered to cook, because there’s no way they’re eating takeout tonight. He adds the tofu he got and the memories of yesterday resurface. Yu sighs deeply trying to contain his tears and pushes Yosuke’s angry face back down. 

The rain that’s started pouring isn’t much help. It reminds Yu too much of days when he’d sit anxiously in front of the small TV in his room, watching his soon-to-be-friends living their worst nightmares. It’s the bad kind of nostalgia and if the rain doesn’t let up soon, he’s really going to start panicking.

He focuses on Nanako’s happy humming and the world shifts back into focus. Yu is almost too happy when they finally get to eat dinner.

Dojima tells him he’s going to handle the dishes tonight and Yu doesn’t argue about it. He sends Nanako to bed and she pouts, but finally ends up falling asleep without too much of a fuss.

Yu finally goes up to his room after he helps with the cleaning even if he told Dojima he wouldn’t. 

He crawls into his futon but doesn’t fall asleep yet. Although his mind is tired and is begging for release, his body isn’t. He lays there and sighs, then reaches for his phone.

It’s a habit he’s picked up in the last few days. At first, the only thing it did for him was make him cry. As time has passed, though, it’s more like it makes him feel alive.

Yu scrolls through the text conversations he’s had with his friends. He reaches the top of every conversation, then begins reading down. He always gets in these nostalgic moods as of lately. It’s not a secret why and he doesn’t pretend he doesn’t miss his friends because he really, really does.

Yu knows he’s just reliving the past year at this point. It’s not like those conversations are ever going to be different. He’s read some of them so many times he can recite them from memory.

But it makes him happy. He smiles as he wipes his tears and sniffles. This one’s a conversation with Yosuke. It’s after they’ve gone to see some film in Okina. It wasn’t particularly good, Yu recalls, but Yosuke seems to have liked it. He had spent the whole train ride back and had bombarded Yu with text messages talking about it. He rarely got so truly excited about something so Yu could only nod and smile when it happened. It was nice, being the one that he shared the excitement with.

It’s a sad thought, because after that reality hits and he’ll never be that person anymore. 

Yu is never going to relive his second year of high school, the best year of his life.

The conversation with Yosuke isn’t even one that really stuck out before he re-read it for the first time. It’s such common banter and, somehow, that makes it even worse. They’ll never share it again.

Reality comes in the form of a knock on the door. Yu flinches and scrambles to wipe his tears and right his voice between shouting ‘yeah?’

Dojima makes his way in. ‘I’m sorry if I woke you.’ He’s holding a white envelope in one hand. ‘This came in the mail this morning. It’s addressed to you.’

Yu grabs it gingerly. He turns it around, but there’s no return address or name besides his own, written somewhat sloppily on the front. ‘Thank you.’

His uncle nods in acknowledgement, but doesn’t make any move to leave otherwise. He looks around, then back at Yu. ‘Aren’t you going to open it?’

He frowns and sets it on his desk. ‘Probably tomorrow. I’m too tired now.’

‘That’s understandable,’ Dojima says and finally heads out the door. ‘Good night.’

‘Night,’ Yu says back.

The door shuts and his eyes dart back to the envelope. After what happened the last time he opened a letter in front of Dojima he resorted to being sneakier around him. Especially if this is who he thinks it is.

Yu grabs the envelope. He rips it open and takes out the piece of paper. Without meaning to, he sees the name written down.

_ Adachi _

A chill runs down his spine. What could this man possibly want?

The rain is still pouring, as Yu reads the words from the top.

_ 'I’m sure you’re surprised to get this out of the blue. I’m writing because there’s something I need to tell you.  _

_ It’s true that my game’s over. You’re probably still confused why I confessed, but I’m not going to tell you yet. That part’s for the ending. _

_ There’s nothing left for me except rotting in this cell. I’ve grown to accept that this world is miserable, but it seems you don’t see it the same way. It actually amazed me how hopeful you and your friends were at the beginning, even though you ultimately gave up. That was your choice, and you’re going to have to live with it for the rest of your life. I hope you know that.  _

_ Although, there’s still this feeling I can’t shake. I never got to explore that other world, not like you did. But even so, you need to know that something is there. I can’t exactly put my finger on it. But it exists and it’s waiting. If the fog is still there, then you missed something. _

_ This isn’t over. _

_ If you really care about this world enough to save it, then you gotta go in there. That’s where the endgame is. I hope this is useful to you. _

_ I won’t be expecting much, though. It seems that spine of yours is non-existent. _

_ Adachi’ _

Yu frowns at the letter. He hasn’t thought about the Midnight Channel in a while. Well, it’s not like he’s had a reason, either. It hasn’t been raining and the case is over.

Adachi is lying. He’s just trying to deceive Yu.

But what’s his reason? Boredom? Prison isn’t entertaining so he’s back to do some more damage to Yu’s psyche?

Next thing he knows, he’s tearing it to shreds. Rage fuels his force and the offending paper is into pieces before he can stop. He drags his hands through his silver hair and breathes, just enough not to punch a wall.

His composure has really gone to hell these past few days. It takes too much energy to keep his guard up at all times.

Yu gets up to shut the window because the sound of the rain is so grating on his nerves and he’s really about to lose it when the room lights up. The sound of static fills the silence and Yu already knows what’s waiting for him.

There it is, except there’s no one on the screen. Looking closer, Yu realizes it’s Inaba, except it’s… destroyed. The Shopping District is in shambles. There’s not one building still standing and the road is covered in black tar.

Except it’s not tar.

Yu almost vomits when he realizes those are  _ Shadows, _ too close to one another. There’s almost no way to walk.

The image switches to the floodplain and it’s not looking much better. It’s hard to see in the darkness, but Yu’s pretty sure it’s dry. There’s no more water inside.

Is this how the world looked through Adachi’s eyes? Filled with Shadows?

At least he wasn’t lying in his letter. Not that it makes this situation better.

Damn it! It’s supposed to be over! Over with the fighting, over with the exhaustion. Why is the Midnight Channel still here?!

The TV flickers off and the room is back, drowning in darkness. Yu stands here, struggling to take it all in at once. The Midnight Channel really is back. 

He realizes numbly that he’s also waiting for a phone call that’s never going to come. The silence of the phone in his pocket is very, very loud. Yu doesn’t like that he’s still holding onto hope that his friend has also seen the TV and is going to call him, like he's done many times before.

He stands there for a minute before it finally settles that Yosuke isn’t going to call, and somehow, it hurts even worse than when he screamed in Yu’s face.


	7. carry on this way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'He hears Teddie shout his name and attempts to get up only to be knocked back down. Yu knows the feeling of a wind spell all too well and it’s exactly what that Shadow just casted on him. He turns on his back and looks up at the attacker.  
> This Shadow is different. He’s got a physical form, more or less. He’s also insanely creepy, with one hole in the robe on his head. Chains flutter around him and he’s actually wielding two pistols.  
> Who gave Shadows pistols? Yu wonders in his dizzy state.'

He doesn’t fall asleep that night. Doesn’t even try because he knows it’s impossible and just the thought of lying in bed with all his thoughts running in his head makes him anxious. 

So, Yu decides to think about everything he needs to enter the TV World, because there’s no way he’s just going to sit on his ass. If something isn’t right on the Midnight Channel, then probably something bad will happen to the actual world. Adachi said that much in his letter.

So far he’s gotten:

A weapon. He’d sold his katana a few months ago because he thought he wouldn’t need it anymore. It didn’t even get him good money.

Some armor. At least something better than he had last year. Yu winces as he thinks of the many painful hits he’d taken, especially in the last few months before Nanako’s dungeon.

Nope, not that. Let’s not think about that.

Medicine from Shiroku. Also some tea and some sedatives and Goho-Ms. Yu thinks that there might be some remaining from last year, but he’s left them with Yukiko, probably. 

He makes some quick mental calculations and bites his lip; there’s no way he has enough money for all that and it’s not like he can just get a part time job. He needs to get in there tomorrow. This can’t wait. 

He decides to compromise: get some average armor, maybe a katana that’s slightly better and as much medicine as he can. He still has some Personas that have decent healing skills, so he should be fine on that front. 

The hard part is the navigation. Yu’s not sure how to fix that one. There’s no Persona in his repertoire that can provide him with navigation or that can find the location of the dungeon and he couldn’t possibly ask Rise.

His best bet at this point is finding Teddie, but Yu hasn’t the slightest where he could be. He had said he’d be going back to his world, but it’s been months and he hasn’t come back. 

Yu isn’t normally a pessimist, but he just can’t imagine a scenario where Teddie is just chilling in the TV World. Something must have happened for him not to come back.

He realizes that Teddie doesn’t even know Nanako is alive. 

If he’s still out there somewhere, Yu is going to find him. 

He finally writes down the words FIND TEDDIE and circles them multiple times, like it’s not obvious already. Teddie’s nose might not be working as well as Rise’s Persona but Yu is pretty sure he can sense this huge distortion in the TV World.

Yu has nothing else to do except re-read Adachi’s letter thousands of times, trying to decipher some hidden code the man may have hidden, but nothing comes up and his head starts pounding around 2 a.m. He knows he should at least try to rest, but the image of the Midnight Channel wakes him up every single time he thinks he’s falling asleep. 

He watches the sun come up. The sky turns to a light shade of blue and it makes it easier to see the fog around the other rooftops. It does nothing to ease the suffocating sensation in his chest.

His uncle is home again, which is unusual. He’s probably taken days off to be with Nanako and that does make Yu feel a little better. At least she won’t be all alone again.

Yu kisses Nanako’s head before he leaves and she giggles. Dojima looks like he wants to say something but Yu really doesn’t have the mental capacity to come up with an excuse as to why he’s leaving at 7 in the morning so he just hurries to the door, says his goodbyes and steps into the morning breeze.

He hurries over to the Shopping District. The streets are mostly deserted at this time, except for the housewives tending around their business. Most of the stores have just opened up and owners are still a bit sleepy.

Daidara greets him with a nod, not different from how he used to greet Yu before. Either he doesn’t care or doesn’t know about Yu’s criminal activity. 

He ends up buying a sword he’d sold back for half the price. It’s not the best but it should do the job. Daidara makes him a piece of armor and Yu also ends up with a durable bracelet that should somehow increase his defense.

The medicine is even easier to acquire, as Old Lady Shiroku doesn’t really care much about anything except her fish. Fortunately for her, Yu buys many items and she winks at him while handing him the bag.

* * *

There’s no one he knows in Junes. He’d been worried he’d run into Yosuke even though he knows Yosuke doesn’t usually take the morning shifts in summer, but it seems like he’s not here now.

With his weapon concealed and his armor underneath his clothes, he sneaks back to the electronics section and slips into the TV unseen.

He lands on something soft and opens his eyes to the blue of the Velvet Room. He’s not even the slightest bit surprised.

Igor sits across from his, as he always does, his grin unfaltering. A deck of cards is laid in front of him. Margaret greets him with a warm ‘Hello.’

‘It seems the path you have taken is a highly troublesome one,’ Igor says. ‘But, of course, the journeys that are most worthwhile usually cost us our comfort.’

He reaches over the table and the cards shuffle around. Igor picks one and inspects it. ‘Do you still believe in fortune telling?’

Yu swallows thickly and nods. He needs little reminding that tarot cards are a big part of his life.

‘I would like to inform you that Personas of the Lovers and Hierophant Arcana are now available for you to use,’ Margaret says with a smile. ‘It seems you are making progress towards the truth.’

He’s heard that one before

‘I try my best,’ Yu tells her.

‘Never forget, you are a guest of the Velvet Room. You are always welcome here, as long as you search for the truth.’

There’s a flicker of color to Yu’s right, next to Margaret. If he focuses on it he can almost spot a familiar red and blue…

‘As are your companions.’

Igor and Margaret fade away, but Yu doesn’t wake up. Instead, he watches as a red, fluffy suit materializes in their stead.

Teddie sits away from him with his head bowed. He’s looked better, Yu thinks. Even though his figure is see-through, Yu can see the tears and places where the fur is gone on his suit. He wonders vaguely if this is the work of Shadows or just time.

He still hasn’t spoken so Yu calls out to him.

‘Teddie. Teddie!’

The bear lifts his head slowly, like he’s dreading to see the face of the voice. They make eye contact and Yu can almost see the way his eyes enlarge.

‘Sensei! It’s really you!’

He feels so happy he could cry right now. Teddie is a little scuffed, but otherwise not hurt. Yu tries to get up and hug him but he finds he’s rooted to his spot on the couch.

‘I missed you, Teddie.’

‘Sensei… Where are you? Are you in the TV? This world has become very dangerous, even for me. It’s not safe for you to be here.’

He wishes he could just grab Teddie and get out of here. ‘Listen, Teddie, something happened. I really really need to talk to you. Where are you right now?’

Teddie shakes his head. ‘You must leave! There’s too many Shadows!’

The Velvet Room is growing darker, Yu realizes dimly. He’s waking up.

‘Please! I need your help! Where are you, Teddie?’ He shouts out. Teddie just stares at him as he pleads.

‘No, no… Teddie!’ Yu cries out and reaches out towards the bear.

As the room disappears, Yu only catches one word as he drowns in the darkness.

_ Home. _

* * *

Lights flash around him and black melts into white in a flurry, reality going in around himself until he lands somewhat on his feet. He shouts for Teddie, but he’s nowhere to be found. Yu pounds on the flooring, fear gripping his heart. He’d almost found Teddie and now he’s gone again.

At least, now he knows his friend is more or less not hurt. It hurts being so close yet so far from him, but at least he’s got a hint of his location.

Yu dusts off, looks around. The TV World still looks more or less the same, at least the entrance. There’s significantly less fog crowding the place but Yu decides to put his glasses on, just for good measure.

Paths from here go in every direction and Yu can barely remember how to get to Yukiko’s castle, if that.

Teddie said he’s ‘home’. 

Well, that’s kind of confusing. The letter from Teddie Yu had received some time ago said this whole world is his home. Yu can’t even comprehend how big the TV World  _ is _ .

Yu shakes his head to clear his thoughts. He can’t give up now, not when he’s so close to finding his friend. 

Home, home…

This is his home.

But what else?  _ Where  _ else is Teddie’s home?

Yu gasps in surprise. Of course, that’s it!

The TV World is more like Teddie’s house. Somewhere he feels obligated to return to, but not necessarily where he feels safe and welcomed.

The presence of his friends is the opposite of that; if Yu is to judge from his own experience, he’d say Teddie’s home are his friends.

Yu chews his lip. Of course, that’s physically impossible, but he’s determined now. 

An actual place Teddie’s lived with his friends is most probably Yosuke’s house.

Because of course it’s always something related to Yosuke.

A sigh escapes him. He can’t let himself be affected by Yosuke’s words anymore if he’s going to do this. This isn’t about him.

Yu decides to count this as a victory only because he vaguely recalls how to get to the Shopping District from the entrance. If Yosuke’s house is in the same place as the real world then it shouldn’t be too hard to get there.

* * *

It all starts looking the same after he takes two turns. Yu starts doubting his memory of the day he gained Izanagi and groans in frustration each time the entrance isn’t the right one.

It’s then he spots it: the cemented road of the fake Shopping District. It’s the best gift this world has ever given him.

He goes along with his muscle memory on the way to Yosuke’s house. His legs ache from the sprinting but thankfully there are no Shadows here. That would make him less uneasy if it weren’t so eerily silent.

He passes by Konishi Liquors and a wave of nostalgia hits him. Yu knows he shouldn’t remember Saki Konishi’s death as a happy memory, but he can’t help it. He knows how much Yosuke hurt after it and it pained Yu too, but it’s why they became friends. 

_ A very selfish thought for a very selfish person _ , he thinks.

Yu takes a left and runs through the backstreets until the Hanamura house comes into sight. 

One look and Yu can tell Shadows were there. The gate is wide open and the name plaque is hanging on one screw. 

The floorboards creak under his weight when Yu makes his way inside. He knows he shouldn’t, but he takes a moment to take it all in. It’s not actually Yosuke’s house, but it looks identical. They had stood on that couch when Yu cried on Yosuke’s shoulder after they were taking too much time rescuing Nanako. They had cooked in that kitchen when Yosuke’s parents were gone and he called Yu over because he had no idea how to cook.

They had hugged on that very doorstep after the fight at the riverbank when they promised they would always be there for one another and Yu’s heart had skipped a beat.

* * *

Yosuke’s mentioned many times that the only place available his family had was his closet, so that was where Teddie used to sleep. Yu climbs the stairs, leaving the memories downstairs, and opens the door to Yosuke’s room. 

The sheets have been shredded to pieces and his mirror is broken. It’s silent, except for Yu’s rushed breath.

‘Teddie?’ he asks, eyes darting around the room.

His head snaps towards the closet at the shifting sound. There’s definitely someone inside, Yu notes.

Whether it’s Teddie or some nefarious Shadow, well… he’s about to find out.

‘Teddie, it’s Yu.’

The door opens completely and Yu’s tension melts away when he spots Teddie’s red fur.

‘Sensei?’

Yu rushes towards him and kneels where Teddie is sitting. He looks completely dejected, costume ripped and dirty, stuffing coming out of places. 

Yu’s never felt happier.

‘It really is you!’ Teddie exclaims. ‘But, how…?’

‘I think we’ve got a lot to catch up on,’ Yu says and smiles.

Teddie’s voice doesn’t lose his urgency. ‘You can’t be here! It’s going to find you!’

‘Is there someone else here?’ Yu frowns at his words. ‘Everything was empty.’

The bear shakes his head. ‘No, Sensei, not someone. It’s a Shadow! We were beary lucky not to see him when we were exploring but he’s here now. And you need to leave!’

Yu tugs on Teddie’s costume. ‘Let’s leave, then. I need your help.’

‘No! I went back to this world so I’d be doing my job. This is where I come from and this is where I should be.’

‘Teddie, please,’ he swallows thickly. ‘There’s no one else. I need you.’

‘No one… else?’ Teddie asks, fear evident in his tone. ‘Where is everyone else?’

‘They…’

He’s interrupted by a cold feeling creeping into the room, clouding his thoughts. 

‘Do you feel that?’

Teddie jumps from his place. ‘He’s here! The Shadow is here!’ He pulls Yu’s hand and raises him to his feet. 

They rush out of the room, Teddie leading the way, Yu lagging behind. He’s not even sure what they’re running from. A faint sound of chains rings around the room but that could just be Yu’s imagination. He is very sleep deprived, after all. And he hasn’t eaten…

A shot rings out behind him and whooshes by his ear. It startles him and he trips, landing on his shoulder and cursing out in pain.

He hears Teddie shout his name and attempts to get up only to be knocked back down. Yu knows the feeling of a wind spell all too well and it’s exactly what that Shadow just casted on him. He turns on his back and looks up at the attacker.

This Shadow is different. He’s got a physical form, more or less. He’s also insanely creepy, with one hole in the robe on his head. Chains flutter around him and he’s actually wielding two pistols.

_ Who gave Shadows pistols?  _ Yu wonders in his dizzy state.

‘Kintoki-Douji!’ Teddie shouts from behind him and his Persona materializes. He casts an ice spell and it stuns the Shadow only for a second.

Yu searches through his Personas for one that knows any healing spell and decides on Ishtar of the Lovers. He recalls his earlier conversation with Rise and finally casts Salvation on both himself and Teddie.

Yu screams for Teddie to run and gets up to follow. They sprint next to each other, desperate to reach the entrance before the Shadow can hit them again.

He hears another shot and pain flares in his left side. Yu trips but again but Teddie catches his weight, pulling him along as he struggles with the pain. Shots ring behind them and they finally reach the entrance location, collapsing from exhaustion. Teddie watches as the Shadow dissipates into smoke with a growl. He lets himself fall next to Yu.

‘That was beary scary!’ Teddie says between gasps. ‘Sensei, I told you it was dangerous!’

Yu is less concerned with the earful Teddie’s giving him and more concerned with the wound that’s still oozing blood at an alarming rate. ‘Teddie--’

‘Sensei! You’re bleeding!’ he shouts, turning to Yu. 

‘Can you do a Diarahan?’ Yu asks, already feeling woozy.

‘That ice spell drained me. I haven’t used my Persona in such a long time. I’m sorry, Sensei.’ Teddie says, bowing his head.

‘It’s okay,’ he answers weakly. There’s really nothing else to say. He’s drained too. ‘I missed you, Teddie.’

Teddie props him up on himself and it feels like he’s moving. It’s more like Teddie’s rushing and dragging him at the same time but Yu isn’t too sure with his eyes closed. 

When did he close them?

‘Can you promise me something?’ he asks. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth so he can only hope Teddie understands.

‘What is it?’

‘Can you… apologize to the team?’ Yu says, stumbling over his words. His hand’s gone numb.

Teddie hums, even though he doesn't know what Yu is talking about. ‘Only if you promise me you won’t die until we make it there!’

Yu doesn’t ask where ‘there’ is. ‘I’ll do my best. But you gotta promise me that.’

The bear doesn’t answer, only asking Yu to keep his eyes open. They keep slipping closed, like they’re out of energy to stay in the position Yu tells them to. He can’t even feel Teddie’s matted fur.

It’s most likely the best time to come clean to Teddie about everything, if he can find the words in his sluggish brain.

‘Nanako… alive…’ he manages, but Teddie doesn’t seem to acknowledge it, so he continues.

‘The culprit ‘s…’ 

He can’t seem to get Adachi’s name out. Or maybe he did? Did Teddie hear?

Where are they right now? It feels like they've been walking for hours, but they made it here so quickly.

Did he fall asleep? He wishes he did. He's so tired.

He doesn’t know where they are, but his vision is swimming dangerously so he probably wouldn’t recognize it even if he does know.

‘Yosuke!’ he hears Teddie screaming. It’s muted, like it’s being spoken from another room. Why is Teddie shouting for Yosuke?

Yu cracks his eyes open again to see several colorful figures tilting in the distance. They don’t seem particularly familiar until one with brown hair and some orange spots of color gets closer. The person looks like he’s screaming and he looks so much like Yosuke that Yu tears up a bit. He’s dying and Yosuke is his last delirious dream before Judgement.

He manages to reach out his hand to touch him and it feels material. He’s numb but it feels  _ real _ . It’s real. He’s really here.

Yu can’t help himself from smiling as he lets go of the string of consciousness he was still holding onto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably my favorite chapter of this whole fic  
> thx for reading <3


	8. highs and lows (it's a shock to my system)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He feels a jab in his left side. Hissing in pain, he turns to the offender.  
> ‘What the hell, Chie?’ he whispers.  
> ‘You’ve got blood on your t-shirt, dumbass,’ she spits back.  
> Yosuke looks down and, oh, she’s right. Yu’s blood is everywhere on him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yosuke pov yosuke pov yosuke pov  
> this is dialogue heavy sorry  
> i also have five tests this week pray for me

Yosuke’s life had gotten particularly bad in the last few months. The whole nightmare had begun with their failure in catching the killer (even though he now knew that wasn’t really their fault), was followed by the Investigation Team falling out of touch and ended with Yosuke’s best friend being arrested. And just when he had decided he hated Yu, he just appeared in the Shopping District and Yosuke had felt the anger and frustration of last year burning in his chest. 

There wasn’t anything more to it. Yosuke wouldn’t want it any other way. He hated Yu because he lied, because he betrayed them, because he knew how hard they had worked and still chose Adachi over his friends.

He still found it difficult to adapt to a Yu-less life.

No more partners, no more best friends, no more silly texts. No more fondness in his body when he smiled, no more cooked lunches on the school rooftop.

Now there was only scorching hate he struggled to fuel.

It’s maybe the hardest thing to do right now while he watches his best friend  _ no not his best friend _ reach out a hand he feels he’s meant to take as he bleeds out in Teddie’s grip. 

Yosuke doesn’t even realize what he’s doing when he starts running only to see Yu go slack and his eyes close.

‘No!’ he hears himself shouts, almost tripping in his run.

He reaches Teddie and stops. He’s lowered Yu to the ground and Yosuke can clearly see blood gushing from a wound on his abdomen—  _ is that a bullet wound? _

‘Yosuke! Sensei’s—‘

He drowns out Teddie’s voice and applies pressure on the wound. Yu whimpers and Yosuke stops for a second, thinking that maybe those american movies are wrong about handling gunshot wounds.

‘Yuki-chan!’

‘Move,’ he hears Yukiko’s stern voice from behind him before he’s guided away by another’s hands. He sits there, stunned, as Yukiko summons Amateratsu.

‘Salvation,’ she calls for the spell and a blinding light emerges from Yu’s chest, hugging his whole body.

Yosuke gets up and moves to the back of the group as they all circle around Yu. He’s going to be fine. Salvation always works. He almost died. He’s going to be fine. Yosuke hates him.

He plays those last three words in his head when he watches Yu’s eyes snap awake. He gasps for air and clings to Teddie. A wave of relief washes over Yosuke at the sight of his chest falling and rising, until he notices his own hands.

They’re bloody. They have Yu’s blood on them.

The rest already saw him running like a madman towards Yu but he really hopes they won’t comment on it in favor of what’s most important: Why is Yu in the TV World? Also, where did he find Teddie? 

Who the hell shot him?

‘Sensei! Please say something!’ Yosuke hears Teddie’s panicked voice. Naoto leans over Yu as well and watches him sit up. He rubs his abdomen, undoubtedly feeling that the wound has closed.

‘Thanks,’ he says and looks up at Yukiko. She just nods.

‘What the hell are you doing here?’ Kanji’s voice thunders.

Yu scrunches up his nose almost imperceptibly. ‘I saw the Midnight Channel last night. I assume it’s the same for you too.’

Teddie drags him up and stabilizes him when he stumbles. ‘What? Did someone else get pushed in?’

‘No, it just showed Inaba,’ Yu clarifies.

No one speaks for a short time and Yosuke feels like they’re all waiting on his input, but he really, really, really doesn’t feel like speaking. His voice would crack and he’d be all a mess, even though he’d been dreaming of the moment he’d show Yu he was so much better than him since he’d been put on probation.

Well, right now it wasn’t that moment.

‘It showed Inaba in ruins,’ Naoto adds. ‘It seemed alarming, to say the least.’

‘Well, I was in the Shopping District until now and everything was normal! Oh, except that big Shadow with guns.’

The whole team looks dumbfounded before they sound off with their questions.

‘You dumb bear, we were worried about you!’ Rise’s voice wobbles as she runs to hug him.

‘Shadows have guns now?’ Chie asks, stupefied. ‘We should be worried about  _ this  _ instead!’

‘No, no,’ Teddie answered between Rise choking him, ‘only this one. It’s been walking around but I managed to escape it until Sensei found me.’

Chie turns sharply towards Yu and scowls. ‘Did you do this on purpose?’ He widens his eyes and opens his mouth to speak but Teddie steals his answer from him.

‘Chie-chan! Why would you even assume that?’

A heavy silence lays upon the group when they collectively realize that Teddie doesn’t know.

Yosuke finally clears his throat and attempts to make his voice as strong as he can.

‘Some things have changed since you disappeared,’ he says. ‘By the way, what the hell? Mom and Dad were so worried! I had to tell them you’d gone back to the States!’

The bear whimpers softly. ‘I’m sorry. I just thought it would be best.’

Yosuke’s anger melts away because, dammit, Teddie definitely didn’t want to leave them. He just felt like he wasn’t needed anymore and that was something Yosuke could absolutely relate to.

‘Someone catch Ted up to speed,’ Kanji grumbles.

Again, Yosuke feels like it’s his turn to speak. He wishes he could, but telling this story from the beginning might just make him spill his guts. Spill some tears too, maybe. 

Thankfully, Yukiko takes it from there. Yosuke manages to tune her out and tries to lose himself in aimless thoughts.

He feels a jab in his left side. Hissing in pain, he turns to the offender.

‘What the hell, Chie?’ he whispers.

‘You’ve got blood on your t-shirt, dumbass,’ she spits back.

Yosuke looks down and, oh, she’s right. Yu’s blood is everywhere on him.

Not only are his hands stained, but so is his white shirt. He huffs out an exasperated breath. He’ll have to trust that the universe will help him and his parents will still be at work and not sitting on the couch to welcome him from school because he can only use the bike excuse so many times.

‘What are you so quiet for?’ she asks again. ‘I thought you hated his guts now.’

‘Don’t you?’ Yosuke shots back.

She grimaces. ‘I didn't know people that hated each other so much got so concerned over a wound we can easily fix.’

Well, Yosuke doesn’t have anything to say to that. He'd like to serve her some sarcasm as well, but he's rudely interrupted.

‘You’re a traitor!’

Yosuke moves to the front when he hears Kanji’s voice booming. He’s a step away from punching Yu, it seems.

But he’s saying nothing as Kanji screams in his face.

Teddie stands behind him, looking as conflicted as a bear costume could look. 

Time to show off that bravery he’d manifested in the Shopping District. ‘Why are you here? Did you come to finish what Adachi started?’ Yosuke asks.

Yu’s head snaps to his direction. He looks genuinely sad, like he did that day in the Shopping District and it makes Yosuke’s heart  _ hurt. _

‘He sent me a letter,’ Yu says instead.

He seems like he wants to continue but Yosuke’s already talking. ‘Oh, a letter! That’s great! How many names are on there?’ he spits out his venom.

It hits the target. Yu’s jaw clenches tightly, but he chooses to ignore Yosuke.

‘He said there’s something inside here. And that it isn’t over.’

‘And we should just trust him?’ Yosuke shouts. This is ridiculous; they shouldn’t even be screaming about this. They can’t trust Yu and they definitely can’t trust Adachi.

‘You saw the Midnight Channel. Something is wrong!’ Yu’s tone rises.

Yosuke sighs, runs a hand through his already messy hair. It feels nice to at least get a rise out of Yu. He thinks being so calm and collected all the time must be tiring.

‘He might be just playing you. Or you might be playing us,’ Naoto ponders. ‘However, the Midnight Channel hasn’t come on in months and it’s odd that it did now.’

‘The Shadows are very aggravated!’ Teddie interrupts. 

‘Which is why we should investigate further!’ Yu pleads.

‘Hold up. There’s no ‘we’,’ Yosuke spits. ‘You’re not a part of the Investigation Team!’

That did it, Yosuke thinks. Yu’s face morphs into one of surprise and his mouth snaps shut. Yosuke almost feels proud of himself.

Someone clears their throat. ‘Well, I’m on Sensei’s side.’

Yosuke frowns and turns to Teddie. ‘What the hell, dude? We told you what he did and you’re just fine with it?’

Yu looks at Teddie in disbelief as well. The bear meets his eyes and smiles, then crosses his arms as well as the suit lets him. 

‘He’s not a bad person!’

‘And how would you know? You haven’t seen him in months! We needed you and you disappeared!’ Yosuke shouts back, face reddening. 

‘Yosuke-senpai, lay off! What’s gotten into you?’ Rise shouts and pushes him back. Yosuke prepares to chew her out too before he sees what he’s done. 

Teddie is cowering away from him. The Investigation Team is staring at him like he’s grown two heads and, worst of all, Yu is scowling, having moved in front of Teddie.

‘Teddie, I’m sorry-- I didn’t mean to--’

‘I’m going with Sensei,’ the bear says quietly. ‘If you don’t want to work together, then fine.’

Yosuke tsks. Who needs him, anyway? He had hoped that Teddie would have been on their side but, oh well. He’s going to see reason sooner or later and he’s going to join them and Yu will be left all alone like the traitor he is!

Oh, he’s heating up again.

‘Fine,’ Yosuke nods nonchalantly and turns to leave without knowing where he’d be going because Yu and Teddie are standing towards the TV World entrance.

Actually, passing by them would have made more of an impact, wouldn’t it? He feels kind of dumb now, but luckily no one notices.

‘Wouldn’t it be better to work together, though?’ he hears Chie’s voice.

Yosuke stops.

_ Dammit Chie! _

‘Yeah, right,’ Kanji grumbles under his breath.

‘No, no, I think she’s right,’ Yukiko says. ‘As much as I hate to admit it, the things we discovered last year were mostly because of Narukami-kun.’

Next to her, Naoto rubs her chin. ‘This is like nothing we’ve faced before. We have almost no information about the location. Rise-san’s navigation was almost no help this time.’ 

She stands up straight and locks up with Yosuke. ‘I’m sorry, but I have to agree with Yukiko-senpai. I believe uniting our forces is our best shot.’

‘Well, it’s just me and Teddie, so it’s not like we’d accomplish much on our own. We don’t even have to interact with each other, if it makes you feel better.’

Yosuke almost laughs out loud at how desperate Yu sounds.

‘Yosuke-senpai, you’re the leader, so it’s up to you,’ Rise says.

Yu looks around with a frown before his eyes settle on Yosuke. ‘You’re leading now?’

It doesn’t sound mean in the least. Then again, everything that comes out of Yu’s mouth sounds mostly like small talk and it just irks Yosuke the wrong way.

‘Got a problem with it?’

Yu shakes his head. ‘No. I actually think it’s a good decision.’

He huffs out a laugh. Yu’s such a flatterer.

In a bad way! That wasn’t a compliment!

At this point, Yosuke is sure his subconscious is actively working against him.

He takes a moment to think; allowing Yu back on the team would go against his every moral and he’d also be quite annoying, what with the hero antics he pulls off. Yosuke’s aware that he’s never going to look at Yu the same, but seeing him shouting for his Personas, waving around his katana… It would just make Yosuke scoff now.

But then again, not that he’d admit it out loud… they are pretty lost and Rise isn’t much help. They’ve been wandering blindly only because there was no other choice. Luckily they hadn’t strayed too far away from the entrance, but that Shadow Teddie told them about was not something that they could have defeated, not with their lack of coordination.

‘Alright,’ he says finally. ‘You can join us.’

Yu gives him a small, hopeful smile that Yosuke ignores.

‘But you pull something again and I’m leaving you here to rot. Clear?’

His face melts back into a neutrality that Yosuke can’t read. ‘Crystal.’

Yosuke nods and claps his hands. ‘We should head back, return tomorrow. We at least got our feel back for this place. Good work, guys!’

The Investigation Team walks to the entrance and, one by one, they step through the TV. Yosuke still wonders how he’s going to not be noticed when his shirt is bloody. He looks like he just murdered a guy. 

Teddie walks through the TV and it’s just Yosuke and Yu left because, of course, the world demands it. He hurries and puts one leg through when Yu speaks.

‘Your shirt.’

Yosuke looks down like he doesn’t already know what’s there. ‘It’s fine,’ he says because this conversation is already too long.

‘I’ve got a spare shirt on me if you want it,’ Yu says and starts rummaging through his bag.

Refusing would be the smart thing to do because, well… He doesn’t want anything of Yu’s. 

He kind of needs it though. There’s no way people aren’t gonna stare and he’d rather not take his chances with his parents, so he grabs the shirt and whisks his own off. Yosuke tucks it in his bag.

That’s when he realizes that Yu is way bloodier than him AND his shirt is ripped from the bullet. He was the one with the wound, after all. People are going to be way more concerned if Yu, a student on probation, shows up in Junes looking like he just beat a guy to death.

Yosuke turns to voice his concerns, but Yu is gone.


	9. falling down (like pieces into place)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naoto crosses her arms. ‘This new arrangement isn’t working.’
> 
> Yosuke frowns at her. ‘What do you mean?’
> 
> He knows exactly what she means and really hopes he’s wrong.
> 
> ‘You’re distracted and you’re putting the whole team at risk.’
> 
> He lets out a groan that seems to reverberate through his body. ‘Come on, it’s my first day!’
> 
> That sounds so childish. Maybe he hadn’t actually changed that much.
> 
> Maybe he really can’t be much help to his team, even though he used to be second in command.
> 
> ‘We almost died, Yosuke! You almost died!’ Chie screams. ‘I know that this is hard and that you want to help, but you’re doing the exact opposite right now.’

There’s nothing Yosuke can do to fall asleep. 

He’s tried everything up to this point, from listening to music to doing the work he’d been procrastinating since school ended. Nothing could hold his attention. 

Tossing and turning in his bed, he decides he prefers falling asleep uncomfortably at his desk rather than staring at his dark ceiling with his headphones on, willing the music to drive him to sleep.

Stupid American Soundtracks. 

Yosuke fidgets with his mp3 player, wishing for one of the rare ballads he has to play on shuffle.

What he gets is a deep electronic sound that almost shatters his eardrums. He snatches off the headphones and tosses them away, burying his head in his pillow and fighting the urge to scream.

When he’d left the TV World, Yu was already gone and none of his teammates had gone with him. They were all waiting in the electronics department. Yosuke had felt touched by that. It’d meant that they had accepted his role as the leader.

Or they were choosing the lesser of the evils. Because, you know, they can’t let a traitor lead the team, no matter how many Personas he can use.

Yosuke chews his lip and sighs. He can't be thinking about this now, not when they’re relying on him to keep it together. Tomorrow they’re going back in and Yosuke prays that they finally make some progress in discovering what’s gotten the Midnight Channel running again.

The TV in his room had turned on again that night. It had shown the floodplain, overrun with weeds and garbage and yellow tape. A chill had run down Yosuke’s spine and he’d resisted the urge to make a very familiar phone call to Yu to report his findings. 

He puts his arm over his eyes to hopefully block out that god-awful ceiling that seems to be mocking him. Seriously, Yosuke feels like he’s dug a hole through it with how much he had stared.

School would be starting again soon. Their best shot would be to figure out this whole thing before that, so they wouldn’t have the added worry of entrance exams. They’ve done it before, they can explore a whole dungeon again. It’s just a matter of leading, his leading.

Can he do it?

Yosuke knows nothing good comes from his overthinking, but, well it’s not like he can pause his brain. Grinding his teeth, he gets up and glances out the window, fixing the deserted street with a stare. 

He really, really wishes he wasn’t alone right now. Ever since Yu’s arrest, he’s been alone. His friends, although trying to be comforting, usually end up reminding him of the boy and how he used to fit in with them. It’s like an open wound that bleeds more every time he sees him and how he suddenly struggles more with hating him.

It’s tiring and he just wants it all to  _ end. _

Yosuke only pries his eyes from the street when the sun lights it up in the lazy sunlight.

* * *

They do eventually meet up in the Food Court like they decided and it gives Yosuke a sense of satisfaction to see Yu standing away from the others. If the situation hadn’t been awkward enough before, Yu joining their team would definitely make it worse. He can see it now, Yukiko shuffling awkwardly with the sleeves and Kanji with his arms crossed and looking pointedly away from Yu’s side of the table while Yosuke walks up to them.

‘Hi, guys,’ he says, trying to appear as relaxed as possible. Yu’s head raises towards him and Yosuke looks away at the others.

‘Finally,’ Chie chimes in, looking relieved. ‘What took you so long?’

Yosuke shrugs. ‘Let’s just go.’

It’s definitely not the fact that it took all of Yosuke’s willpower to make his feet move away from where he was seated that morning. It’s definitely not the mental exhaustion that’s been plaguing him and only amplified after yesterday.

It’s definitely not the fact that he’s unprepared to lead an actual team and it shows.

They split up when they enter the supermarket, Chie, Yu and Teddie trailing behind him. The bear hadn’t left Yu’s side since he last saw him, Yosuke thinks. He wonders how Yu managed to convince to Dojima to let Teddie live with them.

Yosuke rounds the corner to the electronics, looking left and right before moving to the flat screen and stepping right through it.

Black and white flies by him and thankfully Yosuke has enough self-awareness to bend his knees so he doesn’t break both of his legs.

Kunai tucked tightly behind his (carefully chosen) black shirt, he spots Naoto dusting off her cap. Yu, Teddie and Chie arrive behind him and that makes all of them.

He listens carefully to Rise’s speech about how she can’t really pinpoint the dungeon’s exact location due to its peculiar nature and how she thinks Teddie’s nose could be better in this situation. Teddie looks down in thought and sniffs two times as if testing his nose.

Yu rubs his back and Yosuke wants to punch him.

Can he not act so self-righteous all the time?

Eventually, Rise does persuade Teddie in trying to find the dungeon. His nose is as good as new and surprisingly, Teddie guides them along steel floors to a room Yu, Chie and Yosuke are already familiar with.

It’s Mayumi Yamano’s room, except now there’s a hole in the wall that leads somewhere. Very ominous. Yosuke almost laughs.

‘Everyone ready?’ Yosuke asks, not looking behind to see the team’s facial expressions as they grunt in approval.

Yosuke leads the first team, consisting of Chie, Yu and Naoto. They walk up the roads of Inaba, alongside yellow tape. He’s thankful that it’s quiet. The team is missing its usual hype and jokes but Yosuke wouldn’t have it any other way. They have to be focused now.

Even so, Yosuke can’t help the stab of nostalgia he feels at the image. Running through the dungeon, throwing punches, easy smiles between his teammates… It all seems like it happened in his youth, when he was carefree. He’s so much more mature now, like years have passed since Yu’s arrest.

No, no thinking about Yu’s arrest. Not right now. Those feelings stay locked in a deep part of his brain. He hasn’t processed them yet and he doesn’t want to, doesn’t want to remember the disappointment, the fear, the betrayal, the heart-wrenching tears that spilled from his eyes as he left the courtroom and headed back to Inaba and cried his eyes out in his bedroom and almost threw his guitar out the window -

_ Focus! _

The kunai slices through some tape that’s blocking a path, albeit a bit too forcefully, but if anyone notices anything they don’t voice it.

It’s only a few moments later that Yosuke’s still struggling to break through the fog in his mind when a pair of hands shove him and a voice distantly calls his name.

He’s on the floor, only mildly confused and panicked when he registers Yu impaling a Shadow’s face. The Shadow groans and splits, revealing one of those cube monsters that Yosuke fucking  _ hates  _ because they always explode just when they’re almost dead and knock out someone from the party.

‘Yosuke!’ Chie’s shout snaps him out of his mind and he gets up to his feet in one love, steadying the hold on his kunai.

‘Chie, full attack!’ Yosuke yells back, trying to build up some confidence in his voice. ‘Naoto, switch between Magarudyne and Megidolaon.

Narukami, support us from behind!’

Yu cocks an eyebrow. ‘Wait—‘

‘No time!’

Naoto shoots the card and lets the Almighty spell land and explode around the cubes.

There’s three and Naoto only lands one, killing it in one strike.

If cubes could look impatient, Yosuke thinks this is how they’d look. Twitching all over, begging for the explosion to just be let out. It’s like they’re staring him down.

He calls out the name of the wind spell and the Magarudyne actually hits…

…only to be reflected back at them. 

They all manage to dodge just at the last second, Chie grunting as she lands badly on her hip besides Yosuke. 

Not stopping to think, he cries out, ‘Chie! Heat Wave!’

She nods and smashes her card with her foot in the air, her Persona materializing above her slumped body. 

Chie bites down a scream as the cubes absorb the physical damage she sent, punching the ground and screaming for Rise.

Why is she screaming for Rise?

Yosuke clenches his jaw and thinks. He can’t do physical. He can’t do wind either. Naoto has Mabufudyne, so maybe they could try that?

One of the cubes screeches loudly and Yosuke fights the urge to grind his teeth. Why are these cubes giving them so much trouble? Weren’t they easier to defeat before?

In the corner of his eye he spots the blue light of an Arcana card before it gets crushed into a hand.

The next thing Yosuke hears is ‘Maziodyne!’ and the cubes fall flat, disintegrating into thick smoke.

His head turns without his command to see Yu panting, looking straight ahead.

He pushes his body off the ground, poison on his tongue.

‘I told you to support us from behind!’ Yosuke shouts, even though they really don’t have time for a quarrel right now.

Yu frowns back at him. ‘What are you talking about? I knew its weakness, I had the Persona. What did you  _ want _ me to do?’

There’s a slight bite to his tone that Yosuke doesn’t miss.

‘You role,’ he spits out, ‘is to support us.’

‘You weren’t dealing with it! They could have downed several of us and I had the solution. I don’t see your problem.’

This is a different Yu, Yosuke thinks. He’s not calm, maybe a little anxious, like he was yesterday. No, this Yu is here to get things done fast and efficient, no qualms about it. He doesn’t care that Yosuke’s the leader because Yosuke is making mistakes and Yu gets off being perfect, apparently.

Yosuke wants to spit in his face, chew him out some more, but he feels a small hand on his shoulder.

‘Let it go, Yosuke. Let’s continue on,’ Chie says calmly. 

She’s right, Yosuke knows. He glares at Yu before stepping away, leading the way again.

Chie walks next to him.

‘You know, you should have asked Rise to scan the Shadow. She can do that.’

Yosuke can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or actually trying to help him out. Obviously, he knew that. He had seen Yu do it literally everyday.

Even so, it had slipped his mind. It’s literally his first day on the job, they should cut him his slack.

Yu had been perfect at leading from day one, his brain helpfully adds.

‘I just forgot. Not gonna happen again.’

He ignores Chie’s worried glance and lets the conversation end there.

* * *

Next time they run into a Shadow they actually almost die.

It takes Yosuke by surprise, because his brain is again not shutting up, making useless noise behind his eyes.

And so, when the Shadow grabs his leg with its slimy hands and makes him lose his balance, Yu isn’t there to push him away from the danger.

Yosuke’s head bangs on the pavement and he sees stars for a hot minute, the world swirling around his being in a dizzying mixture of colors and sound.

There’s someone shouting his name but it’s muffled by the searing pain flashing against his skull.

He numbly touches his temple. He can’t really distinguish anymore, but it’s definitely wet. And red.

Yosuke thinks someone leaned his head to the left because now the only thing he sees is a silver bowl cut. It’s honestly atrocious, but Yosuke doesn’t really have the energy to keep his eyes open to scrutinize it anymore.

The next wave of warmth is not from the relief of passing out, but from a healing spell he knows so well. It’s a pleasing fire blanket that covers his whole body and calms his head enough until he can open his eyes.

Yu isn’t next to him anymore and he instead meets Yukiko’s eyes.

Yukiko’s disappointed eyes.

Well, he really fucked this one up.

‘Everyone okay?’ Yosuke asks, still a little groggy.

‘I fucking hate these stupid shadow boulders,’ Chie swears, rubbing her already-healed arm.

Rise sighs. ‘We’re fine, Senpai.’

‘So let’s continue on.’

There’s no surprise that no one moves.

‘What the hell, Senpai,’ Kanji exclaims. ‘If we continue like this, we’re gonna pass out.’

Naoto crosses her arms. ‘This new arrangement isn’t working.’

Yosuke frowns at her. ‘What do you mean?’

He knows exactly what she means and really hopes he’s wrong.

‘You’re distracted and you’re putting the whole team at risk.’

He lets out a groan that seems to reverberate through his body. ‘Come on, it’s my first day!’

That sounds so childish. Maybe he hadn’t actually changed that much.

Maybe he really can’t be much help to his team, even though he used to be second in command.

‘We almost died, Yosuke! You almost died!’ Chie screams. ‘I know that this is hard and that you want to help, but you’re doing the exact opposite right now.’

He actually doesn’t have anything to say to that. Chie’s got him all figured out.

‘I suggest we let Narukami lead again.’

Yosuke’s head snaps to Rise. That’s not an option.

Why is no one else protesting?

‘So he can betray us again?’

Rise fidgets with her glasses. ‘Yosuke-kun, I’m not saying it’s my favorite idea either. But it’s our only option.’

‘I agree,’ Naoto says, and that’s all everyone else needs. Naoto’s usually right and this time, Yosuke agrees. He’s doing bad. His brain won’t be silent. 

‘Normally, I’d say you need time to adjust, and that’s fine, but we don’t have time. Narukami’s done it before and can help us finish this.’

She kneels down to his eye level and Yosuke hates that they seem to drown in pity.

Why is everyone looking at him like he’s dying?

‘Fine,’ Yosuke finally says. There's no way he can win this argument. The odds are stacked against him.

Honestly, Yosuke knew this is how they'd end up. It's a bitter reminder of the past.

He moves from the ground, finally feeling stable enough to stand on his own two feet. He turns to Yu, ready to wipe the satisfied smirk off his face, but there isn’t any.

He just looks at Yosuke, mouth drawn in a thin line.

Yosuke looks away. Shame runs through his bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm alive! yikes  
> this is super random but i kept thinking that healing spells from different healers feel diifferent. like yukiko's would be kinda warm?? teddie's would feel like when you've sat on your leg too much and cut off your blood flow and when you let it back in it kinda cools down? yosuke's would feel like that spring atmosphere right after winter has passed and it's warm but not uncomfortably so?  
> those were my tired thoughts thank u for reading


	10. just a loser in the mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Yosuke wakes up to a wet pillow. And damp cheeks. And a racing heart.  
> He wants to rip everything apart until he doesn’t feel anything. It’s so confusing, being at war with his emotions. He wants so desperately to hate Yu and he succeeds most of the time, but there are times like these, when he can’t help but want to call him up, tell Yu that he’s forgiven and let’s just go back to the way things were before.
> 
> Would that be so bad?
> 
> The loneliness feels more suffocating as he gets dressed for the day and hides the kunai under his jacket. 5 more days until school starts.'

They end up actually finishing the first floor with Yu leading them. He switches up the team, putting Yosuke and Teddie on the back burner and bringing in Kanji and Yukiko. Yosuke doesn’t fight against it, he knows it’s what he earned.

Still, it feels wrong not to fight. He really wants to see this through along with everyone and the fact that he almost got killed isn’t helping their opinion of his skills. 

When Rise shouts about another Shadow, it takes everything inside Yosuke not to jump and fight, but he just grips the handle of the kunai and waits for a shout of backup that never comes.

Everyone exhales in relief when they find the stairs. So this place has an end, after all.

There’s some tricks and traps along the way and they actually discover they have to jump through a fucking hole in the ground to proceed. 

All for the sake of Inaba, Yosuke thinks as he jumps through and bends his knees as to not break his legs.

They’re all on alert, circling Rise as she walks forward with her Persona surrounding her head. She’s started paling a bit, Yosuke notices, but she’s still pushing on.

She’s strong, he thinks. He stopped seeing as that fabricated idol on TV some time ago. Even before then, he knew Rise was pretty brave. Yosuke had seen the hate comments.

But now, she’s being even braver, holding them together like glue.

Rise’s really admirable.

They climb the stairs and find the leading them waiting for them, clinging to the bottles of water they bring with them every time they go in.

‘Alright,’ Yu turns and stops them. ‘I think we should turn back for today. We made some good progress.’

The leading team look a bit worse for wear as they walk back, so Yosuke happens to agree with the decision. Teddie walks next to Rise, helping her with the navigation. Yu is on her right and Naoto and Kanji walk together in front of them. Chie and Yosuke are next to Yosuke and the short haired girl is subtly supporting Yukiko when she stumbles. 

He walks alone with the headphones on his head. Nothing is playing. Yosuke is content with just the lack of noise, struggling to just take the day’s events in. Every 24 hours Yosuke expects the situation to somehow get better, but real life proves him that it can only get worse. It’s not something he’s really processing. It’s happening. Yosuke’s just going with the flow. He really doesn’t want to risk a breakdown right here, right now.

This dungeon is actually the biggest one. They couldn’t proceed to the actual second floor of Magatsu Inaba so they had to take a detour that they stumbled upon by chance. You know, just casually jumping into mysterious holes. Yosuke doesn’t even ask at this point.

A headache threatens to fry his brain when he realizes they’ll have to come back tomorrow. And the day after. And probably some days after. Yosuke lets out a soft groan which gets Yukiko’s attention. 

‘Yosuke-kun, are you okay?’ she whispers, looking just a tad concerned. ‘Does your head still hurt?’

‘No, it’s all good,’ he whispers back. ‘Your healing did its job, don’t worry.’

A smile makes its way onto her face. ‘I have never used Salvation before. I wasn’t sure if I did it right…’

‘No, no,’ Yosuke tugs on the headphone wire, ‘You literally saved me. So, thank you.’

Yukiko gives his shoulder a slight squeeze and he smiles back at her before he lets it fall as they reach the entrance.

Yosuke steps through the TVs and into the bright lights of Junes. Thankfully, it’s deserted, so he rights himself and dusts off his pants.

Chie and Yukiko say their goodbyes and leave the supermarket. Naoto tips her hat and hurries away as well, followed by Kanji who excuses himself saying he has to buy something for the shop. 

Yosuke sighs. It’s difficult to accept they’re not that close anymore.

‘You coming, Yosuke-senpai?’ he hears Rise call.

Her, Teddie and Yu stand together, staring him down and Yosuke can’t for the life of him understand why she’s siding with him.

‘We’re going to the Aiya’s. You can come with us if you want.’

Yosuke can recognize an extended olive branch when he sees one. However, Yosuke’s also got principles.

‘Sorry. I gotta finish some work around the store,’ he lies through his teeth. Rise most likely sees through him and he can see Yu’s features droop in disappointment (maybe?). He has no work around the store, not through the holiday, and they both know that.

Rise purses her lips but doesn’t push. She’s acting like everything is normal, like they’re all the good friends they used to be. It’s probably hard work, Yosuke realizes. Must not be fun for Rise.

‘Okay then. See you!’

Yosuke watches their backs get smaller as they turn away and can’t help but wonder if their outing was planned and not just a spontaneous thing.

He knows Rise is a nice person, but the forgiveness she’s so easily giving to Yu makes Yosuke doubt her integrity. Is there something going on? 

Is there something going on _between them_?

He waves the thought away. It’s going to eat at him at night regardless, but he really needs to move away from where he’s standing pinned in the middle of the electronics department or people are going to notice.

* * *

He gets a text from Yu that night that they’re meeting up the next day again. Yosuke’s stomach turns in anticipation and anxiety as he buttons the phone to open it. It’s a struggle to not feel disappointed when he sees that’s all it is. No cheeky smiley-face. No reminder of their old friendship.

Shouldn’t that make him happy? Minimal interaction is what he wants, isn’t it?

Yosuke’s too tired to linger on that particular feeling and actually manages to sleep almost like a normal person that night, before the dreams start.

_ Yosuke’s sitting on a bench. It’s peaceful; there’s no one around and he can think. Comfortable warmth surrounds him and he recognizes it as Inaba’s summer. The hill that overlooks the town. Green grass, a puny breeze that’s messing with his bangs. He leans his head back and lets the sun wash over him, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. _

_ A soft touch to his hand snaps Yosuke out of his daydream. He lolls his head and watches Yu sit down next to him on the bench, looking forward. _

_ His hand doesn’t move. _

_ Neither speaks. Yosuke just stares. He’s here. They’re here together. The wind is blowing his silver hair away, revealing his forehead and showing more of his eyes. His skin glows under the sun. He looks calm. Content.  _

_ He looks so beautiful that it leaves Yosuke breathless. _

_ It’s such a precious moment, he can’t help but take it in slowly. _

_ ‘All good?’ Yu asks, catching Yosuke’s eye. _

_ Words. He needs them. _

_ ‘You’re here,’ he manages, but it’s more of a whisper than anything. Why can’t he talk? _

_ Yu chuckles and Yosuke thinks it’s the most attractive thing ever. _

_ ' _ _ Where else would I be?’ He smiles and it reaches his eyes. Yosuke grips his hand, Yu tightens the hold. He needs it, needs Yu right now. He can’t let this moment pass. _

_ ‘ _ _ I miss you.’ Yosuke’s voice breaks on the last word and tears spring to his eyes. It hurts. _

_ Yu’s expression softens and his eyes don’t gleam anymore. He looks sad, too, and Yosuke wishes he could see the smile again. _

_ ‘I miss you too, partner. More than you know.’ _

_ Tears spill on Yosuke’s cheeks. He hugs Yu tight, buries his head into his shoulder and cries. Sobs loudly. He wants him back. _

_ ‘Please don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me again,’ he pleads between the hiccups. Yu’s hand rubs his back, but ultimately stills when the boy replies. _

_ ‘I love you, Yosuke.’ _

_ It’s not a promise. It’s not a reassurance. But Yosuke knows it’s the truth. It doesn’t help, but it’s laid down in the open and Yosuke digs his fingers deeper into Yu’s shirt. He inhales, but the scent that comes to him is not Yu’s familiar perfume.  _

_ Yosuke wants to say goodbye, but the sun rays are too bright right now and they’re washing away everything he wants to hold close. _

Yosuke wakes up to a wet pillow. And damp cheeks. And a racing heart.

He wants to rip everything apart until he doesn’t feel anything. It’s so confusing, being at war with his emotions. He wants so desperately to hate Yu and he succeeds most of the time, but there are times like these, when he can’t help but want to call him up, tell Yu that he’s forgiven and let’s just go back to the way things were before.

Would that be so bad?

The loneliness feels more suffocating as he gets dressed for the day and hides the kunai under his jacket. 5 more days until school starts.

* * *

Seeing Yu that day is harder than usual. Yosuke struggles not to hug him when he sees him, to hold his tongue when he wants to add ‘partner’ to the end of a sentence. It only results in weird glances from the Investigation Team.

He gets put on the back burner again, but at least Chie is with him this time. He’s actually thankful Yu didn’t make him fight today.

They move slower than yesterday. Some of the Shadows on these floors make them stumble and Yukiko runs through her energy way too fast, even with Rise’s support.

As they walk side by side, Yosuke contemplates just asking her what’s the deal with her and Yu.

She just sighs when he finally musters the courage to ask.

‘I’m struggling to understand it too, Yosuke-senpai… He’s not the same guy we used to know.’

Yosuke snorts at that. Yeah, no shit.

‘I’m still mad about what he did.’ Rise bites her lip and wrings her fingers together. ‘But this period’s been very hard on him, too. I’m just trying to cheer him up.’

‘You’re talking as if he failed an exam and he’s grounded,’ Yosuke responds. ‘He destroyed evidence. In a case we were working on as a team. He chose the criminal’s side over us. He doesn’t care about us!’

‘We get it, Yosuke,’ Chie chimes in. Yosuke can hear how much she hates the topic in her tired tone. ‘We know you hate him. We just have to get through this and then you’ll never have to interact again. Is that good enough for you?’ she asks, annoyed.

Yosuke doesn’t want that at all.

‘Perfect,’ he lies instead.

* * *

The next week passes by Yosuke in a blur. He’s back to having no personal time, but he doesn’t complain; at least exploration keeps his mind off of the dreams he keeps having.

Yu finally puts him on the front line and Yosuke refrains from jumping with excitement. He’s finally not useless. His abilities might be a little rusty but he shakes it off after a few battles. Yu’s battle guidance is still pristine so Yosuke lets his muscles take over his brain. Ignores the rush that comes over him when he and Yu fight next to each other. It’s just the leftover nostalgia carrying over from last year.

On the 11th of April, Rise stops them when they reach the next flight of stairs.

‘Guys, this is the last floor,’ she breathes out and swallows thickly. 

A few seconds of silence pass by until Yu clears his throat to speak.

‘We should retreat.’

Well, that’s a given. Everyone is exhausted. Yosuke’s fingers twitch in his grip.

‘Since school is starting, I think we should lay low for a while,’ he continues, running a hand through his hair and pushing his glasses back. 

‘Do we have enough time?’ Naoto ponders.

‘It’s only been a week since we started exploring. We should have at least one more until things start getting bad.’

Yosuke wants to laugh because from his perspective, things are already bad, with the fog thickening and people’s anxiety starting to plague the town again.

But he’s so exhausted he thinks he might pass out.

‘We’ll have a meeting on the 15th and head back in on the 16th. Is that good?’ Yu asks, gaze flicking between the team members.

The number 15 gives Yosuke chills. April 15. That’s not a date he wants to remember. It’s so close now and he feels like he should do something to honor Saki’s memory without being disrespectful to her family. Just her name makes him want to cry, even though he was sure he was over his schoolboy crush.

Everyone else agrees and even though Yosuke stays silent, Yu nods and tells everyone they’re going home.

Home, where Yosuke doesn’t want to be. Where he’ll be surrounded again by his own thoughts until he feels like he’s drowning under their weight.

This time, he walks behind the group and no one turns to comfort him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love writing dream sequences. also i have a cambridge exam in exactly one week so please keep your fingers crossed for me lmao  
> we hit 100 kudos!! that's literally insane. thank you all for sticking with this fic! you make it all worth writing.  
> also pls dont hesitate to call me out if i make any grammar mistakes because that's literally one of my biggest pet peeves when reading fics.   
> thank u for reading <33


	11. i used to be lovedrunk (but now i'm hungover)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " ‘Yosuke, wait!’ A warm hand catches his wrist and Yosuke meets Yu’s eyes. They’re open and honest and it hurts.
> 
> ‘Please, just listen. It wasn’t like that. Let me explain, I’m begging you.’
> 
> Yu’s voice is cracking and Yosuke knows that he won’t be able to take it if he starts crying. The way he’s speaking sounds so raw and Yosuke just wants to wrap his hands around him and hold him and tell him that it’s okay and he understands, even if he doesn’t. He’s just not ready to forgive yet.
> 
> ‘I,’ fuck, his voice is thick with emotion and the word caught in his throat, but Yosuke cannot let the tears go now. ‘I can’t. Whatever you say, I just don’t get it. You were selfish and you betrayed us. That’s it.’
> 
> Anger seeps into his words easier than he thought it would. This subject is still touchy no matter how much time has passed and it’s so easy to spew venom when it’s the person in front of him that poisoned Yosuke in the first place.
> 
> ‘I don’t want you to forgive me! I just want you to listen!’ "

His school uniform scratches at Yosuke’s skin uncomfortably as he moves his bike to the road. The sun is shining but the thick fog is mostly blocking it. Yosuke decides it’s just not a good day. He’s not about to act like he’s happy to go back to school.

He’s always hated the road to school, not only because the street is filled with little holes and pebbles that make riding hell, but also because it was lonely. None of his friends live in the area and so he always had to traverse the Samegawa flood plain by himself.

That was, until Yu showed up. They didn’t live particularly close either but they at least shared the way to school. It meant Yosuke abandoning his bike in favor of walking next to Yu, but it also meant having someone next to him and Yu was a wonderful person all through and through. Yosuke could take the physical labor. He even started leaving on time.

In comparison, his legs are now burning from pedaling all the way to school because he left 10 minutes late so he could _avoid_ Yu. His bike is kind of flying around and Yosuke is struggling to control it while still keeping his headphones on. The heavy hip-hop track fits the mood of spiralling out of control. It’s in korean so he doesn’t understand much but these three men are spitting words about running high and ambitions that Yosuke relates to. These are the kinds of songs he listens to at night, when he thinks about his own dreams and how little he’s done to reach them. 

It’s weird that the group’s name is a sauce, but to each their own. Their mixtapes are good.

The song switches right when Yosuke spots the hole and swerves too aggressively to the right. The bike leans and Yosuke is sent flying on the ground, headphones falling in the process. He lands on the ground on his side, pebbles digging into his arm. His cheek burns and Yosuke just lays there to process what happened. Eventually, he picks himself up with a groan. He reaches for the mp3 player, dragging the headphones along with it and finally gets up.

The arm he fell on hurts like hell and there’s something in his eye that doesn’t go away when he blinks, but Yosuke doesn’t even need to look at his phone to realize he’s already late and any medical attention he needs will have to wait until after homeroom. He dusts himself off, picks up the bike from where it’s sitting and books it.

  


* * *

  


Yosuke only glances at the homeroom assignments long enough to find his name, taking off running to the 3rd floor after in a flash. He’s out of breath and huffs when he checks the time to find out he’s only 10 minutes late. He peeks inside through the window to find out that the teacher’s just arrived too, which only comforts him a tiny bit.

He enters cautiously, but thankfully the teacher has her back turned. There’s no telling if she noticed Yosuke or she’s just letting it slide this time. 

Chie and Yukiko are sitting next to each other, on the row that’s closest to the door. At least he’s not alone this year either. He scans the room and runs to the only empty place that’s left, before the teacher realizes he’s standing dumbly in front of the door. The empty seat is in the back, somehow. His luck is acting up.

He wonders what insane student would choose not to take a spot that’s in the back?

Yosuke lets the bag he was carrying down softly and sighs deeply. It was a crazy ride.

  


‘Hanamura-san,’ a familiar voice whispers.

  


Yosuke turns and--

It’s Yu, eyes wide and confused.

 _Of course_ it’s Yu. _Of course_ Yu is sitting next to him.

Scratch the luck thing. He’s about to smash his head into the desk.

Now he understands why no one was sitting there. He wouldn’t have sat there either had he noticed. 

How didn’t he notice?

Yosuke nods his head but doesn’t acknowledge him any more than that. It must show on his face that he’s surprised too because Yu’s face relaxes and he looks away. Yosuke wishes he could do the same but now he feels tense all over. Is there any way he could switch with someone? Maybe Chie would let him sit next to Yukiko.

Actually, no, she probably wouldn’t.

He drums his fingers on the desk while making a point not to look towards Yu’s general direction which turns out to be hard since he’s sitting close to the window and Yosuke loves daydreaming in class. 

How will he survive the whole year while sitting next to Yu? It just feels like the universe is laughing at him. Again. 

  


Suddenly, he feels a hand brush his shoulder. Yosuke startles and turns towards Yu who looks mildly uncomfortable, like he didn’t fully mean to do that.

  


‘There was dirt on your uniform,’ Yu reasons and Yosuke almost chokes. 

  


_Thanks,_ he wants to say.

  


‘Don’t touch me,’ he grumbles instead, but it lacks any animosity. Yosuke wants to hit himself. Where did his anger go? His resolve is crumbling and he needs Yu to do something evil again soon.

  


‘Sorry,’ Yu whispers back. He clears his voice awkwardly and turns.

  


The silence between them bothers Yosuke when it so obviously shouldn’t. He wasn’t prepared to be so close to Yu. He wants to talk about anything and everything, because it’s Yu and he’d probably understand, but he can’t because it’s _about_ Yu.

It’s hard to hate a person when you also miss them extremely much. The fact that Yosuke can sort of smell his cologne doesn’t help, it just amplifies the nostalgia blooming in his chest.

The teacher finally writes her name on the board and addresses the class, but it turns to white noise for Yosuke. He sneaks a peek to his left, where Yu is sitting perfectly calm and attentive and annoying. 

Yosuke ultimately decides, as the teacher drones on with her explanations and warnings, that the most bothersome thing isn’t sitting next to Yu or having to communicate with him.

It’s the fact that he can’t get Yu out of his head and it’s driving Yosuke mad.

  


* * *

  


The lecture ends without any other Yu-related incidents. The bell rings and Yosuke jumps out of his seat, rushing to pack his books with his head low. He almost drops all of them but manages to keep them steady and put them in his bag.

  


‘Are you okay?’ he hears just as he’s ready to leave.

  


He should ignore him. Just leave, run, grab the bike.

  


‘What?’

  


Yu points to his own right cheek. Yosuke touches the mirrored spot and frowns when it stings and comes away bloody. It’s not much, just a faint red colored spot he wouldn’t have noticed otherwise, but still. It’s been sitting like that since he fell.

  


‘Your uniform is messed up,’ Yu remarks helpfully and Yosuke runs a hand over it to find a small rip into the fabric.

  


Yosuke sighs. He can just ask his mother to fix it or something.

  


‘You should get that cut checked out. It looks pretty deep,’ he continues. ‘It could get infected.’

  


‘It’s fine,’ Yosuke answers and turns to leave again.

  


‘I’ll go to the nurse with you.’

  


Well, wouldn’t that be nice? Honestly, Yosuke wants to say yes. Now that he’s aware of it, the wound kind of hurts.

  


‘You’ve got some nerve. Don’t you understand that I don’t want to talk to you?’ he says, tone short.

  


Yu drives a hand through his hair. He seems exhausted all of a sudden. ‘I just want to explain all of it.’

  


‘What is there to explain? You did what you were accused of, right?’

  


A frown makes its way on Yu’s face. ‘Yes, but--’

  


‘Then there’s nothing to talk about. Let’s just finish this and move on.’

  


‘Yosuke, wait!’ A warm hand catches his wrist and Yosuke meets Yu’s eyes. They’re open and honest and it _hurts._

  


‘Please, just listen. It wasn’t like that. Let me explain, I’m begging you.’

  


Yu’s voice is cracking and Yosuke knows that he won’t be able to take it if he starts crying. The way he’s speaking sounds so raw and Yosuke just wants to wrap his hands around him and hold him and tell him that it’s okay and he understands, even if he doesn’t. He’s just not ready to forgive yet.

  


‘I,’ fuck, his voice is thick with emotion and the word caught in his throat, but Yosuke cannot let the tears go now. ‘I can’t. Whatever you say, I just don’t get it. You were selfish and you betrayed us. That’s it.’

  


Anger seeps into his words easier than he thought it would. This subject is still touchy no matter how much time has passed and it’s so easy to spew venom when it’s the person in front of him that poisoned Yosuke in the first place.

  


‘I don’t want you to forgive me! I just want you to listen!’

  


His voice is no longer stable as Yosuke is used to and a single tear escapes Yu. Yosuke can’t stay here, not when he’s sure he’s going to cry too. He can’t do this. He’s going to break too.

  


‘Sorry, I need to go,’ he mutters and his voice is trembling dangerously. His vision is going cloudy as Yosuke grips his bag and runs out of the empty (when did everyone leave?) classroom.

  


Tears run down and he wipes his face aggressively, sniffling in the process.

He passes by Rise who’s waiting in front of the school gates, tapping her foot on the pavement. She spots Yosuke coming and waves a hand.

  


‘Yosuke-senpai!’

  


God, she can’t see him like this. Rise can’t see him cry, she will want to know why. He decides to just wave back and hope she doesn’t notice his red face.

  


‘Hey, wait! I’ve been waiting for Yu-senpai for a while now and--,’ Rise stops abruptly, the rest of the sentence hanging up in the air. ‘Yosuke-senpai, are you okay?’ she asks, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder while he struggles to retrieve his bike.

  


‘All good, don’t worry,’ he chokes out and man, he sounds bad. That’s not going to persuade Rise to leave him alone.

  


She grabs him by the shoulders and forcefully turns him to face her. ‘I saw the homeroom assignments, you know. If this is related to that…’

Yosuke winces but says nothing.

  


‘He tried to talk to you?’

  


Yosuke closes his eyes and breathes deeply. When he opens them again, he feels more confident in his speaking ability.

  


‘Yeah.’ It’s shaky, but better than earlier.

  


Rise’s lips form a thin line as she thinks of what to say next. ‘Did you try to listen to him?’

  


Yosuke doesn’t _want_ to listen. Every explanation will be fruitless, he knows.

  


He exhales softly. ‘Rise, I have a shift right now. Talk later, yeah?’

  


Yosuke gets on his bike, leaving a confused Rise in the background. He didn’t even put his headphones on. He just wanted to leave. 

He just wants quiet. He wants them all to leave him alone.

As he drives along the bumpy road, Yosuke makes a note of the fact that Yu didn’t call him by his family name and he forgot to correct him.

  


* * *

  


The next day when Yosuke walks into the classroom, he’s prepared to ignore Yu. He has the plan all in his head: don’t look at him, don’t acknowledge him, ignore what he says (if he does say anything).

So he sits down, face focused, head resting in his hand, pencil in the other, and tries to make it through the day.

It’s hard to concentrate on the lesson when _everything_ is so distracting, though. One moment it feels like it’s all sticking to his brain and then Yu will do something like scribble on his notebook then push the back of the pencil into his cheek like he’s thinking very hard (which Yosuke only saw accidentally, thank you very much. He’s not looking) and it will absolutely distort all thoughts Yosuke has.

Lunchtime rolls around and he glances out the classroom door to see Rise with a packed lunch. Yosuke thinks maybe she’s waiting for Yukiko or Chie, but Yu gets up and waves at her. She hugs him and Yosuke can’t look away until they go up the stairs to the rooftop.

  


‘If you keep scowling like that it’s gonna imprint on your face,’ Chie says, leaning on his desk.

  


Yosuke turns her head towards her. ‘I’m not scowling.’

  


‘Suuuure. How is it, though?’

  


Confusion clouds his features. ‘How is what?’

  


‘You know,’ she waves a hand around, ‘sitting next to Narukami? Do you still hate him?’

  


He lets out a sour huff. ‘Of course.’ 

  


‘Well,’ Chie shrugs, pushing herself away, ‘just hang in there.’

  


_Great advice, thank you Chie._

  


This routine of constantly pretending like Yu doesn’t exist eventually begins weighing down on Yosuke over the next few days. It feels like the time is choking him down looking at the calendar and watching the days count down until the 15th, blood freezing in his veins everytime he realizes how close it is.

Saki’s been dead for a year.

It doesn’t feel real.

Yosuke had cried over her, then found out she couldn’t stand him. It hadn’t exactly helped his self-worth, but he had managed with Yu’s help.

God, why does everything in his own life have to revolve around Yu? He can’t even mourn Saki in peace because her death reminds Yosuke of him. That’s fucked up, isn’t it? Here he is, again, making it about him when her family was probably still broken over losing her.

What’s wrong with him? Is his Shadow coming back? Is he really reverting back to his old self? Is he really that much of a hypocrite?

Yosuke’s exhausted and angry and depressed and really, really can’t do this anymore.

On the 14th of April, he lays on his bed and stares at his ceiling and sobs, not caring if his parents hear.

  


* * *

  


Yu glances nervously at the empty seat next to him.

It’s the third period of the day and Yosuke’s not here. At first, Yu assumed he’d be late as always but now it’s pretty obvious that Yosuke’s not coming to school.

He tries not to think about it; it’s not like it’s his business in any way. He does care but Yosuke doesn’t want him to care, so what’s the point of worrying over someone who doesn’t want you to worry over them?

His thoughts drift back to his outburst on Monday. It was pathetic, honestly, but he can’t ignore Yosuke anymore, not when they’re sitting next to each other every fucking day. 

It makes his chest tight, like claws sinking into his heart. Yu knows he doesn’t deserve anyone’s forgiveness, especially not Yosuke’s, but...

He just wants to talk to him again. Pretend like they’re still in their second year of high school, playing detective. 

Yu blinks back the tears that spring to his eyes unprompted and struggles to get his head back into the lesson.

  


At lunch, he ventures close enough to Chie to ask her if she knows anything about it.

She raises a skeptical eyebrow as if asking why Yu is concerning himself with that. 

  


‘He’s probably sick or something,’ she speculates. ‘I hope he at least shows up for the meeting tonight.’

  


Sure. The team meeting about the dungeon. That’s why Yu is asking.

  


‘Right. Thank you, Satonaka.’ 

  


She grimaces back at him. ‘I think we’re over that, don’t you think?’

  


‘Over what?’

  


Chie runs a hand through her short hair. The roots are starting to show, Yu notices.

  


‘I talked to Rise. I mean, I would have rather heard it from you, but she explained the situation. More or less,’ she says with a smile.

  


That… shocks Yu. Is Rise working to clear his name?

  


‘We could still talk about it, if you want,’ he offers.

  


Chie nods and offers Yu her hand to shake. ‘Welcome back, Yu.’

  


He grips her hand tightly and shakes it. Makes a note to himself to thank Rise when he sees her next.

  


* * *

  


Yu gets to the Junes Food Court to find everyone there already waiting. They all have plates and drinks in front of them and Yu is used to being excluded by now but it still stings in his chest. It's the little things that hurt him the most.

He can't get sad over this now, though. They've got to get through this.

  


‘Hi,’ he says and six heads turn towards him.

  


Wait, six?

Yu does a fast head-count and-- Oh.

Yosuke’s not here.

  


‘Sensei!’ Teddie leaps from his seat to hug Yu. At least he’s back to his human attire. ‘Yuki-chan’s inn is even more beautiful than I remember! And the onsen… it’s amazing!’

  


Yu looks at Yukiko who’s covering her laughter with her hand and mouths a _thank you._ He’s not sure how he would have managed to keep Teddie at his house. Nanako would have been delighted, but Yu couldn’t come up with a believable excuse for his uncle.

At least Yukiko was nice enough to let him stay at her inn.

  


‘I’m glad you like it, Ted,’ he says and pries the bear off him.

  


There are no chairs left so Yu goes and gets another from the table next to them, ignoring the glares he gets from the students sitting there even as he excuses himself.

  


‘Are you ready to start?’ Naoto asks the table and they all nod in affirmation.

  


‘Yosuke isn’t here,’ Yu interrupts. Are they really going to ignore that? They’re missing a vital member and he hasn’t been to school all day. Concern bubbles up in Yu’s chest.

  


‘Guy probably didn’t want to see us,’ Kanji concludes, leaning back into his chair.

  


_Probably didn’t want to see me,_ Yu thinks.

  


‘He wasn’t at school today, either,’ Yukiko says, eyebrows furrowing. At least Yu isn’t the only one worried.

  


‘I think we should wait 10 more minutes. Maybe he’s running late?’ Rise suggests.

  


They agree to wait for him and Yu’s head keeps turning each time the elevators behind him ring, waiting for the familiar mop of dyed hair to exit them. It’s a little desperate and he knows that, but there’s this clawing feeling in his chest that screams BAD.

Yosuke doesn’t show up, even though Yu pretends he lost track of time and ended up waiting 15 minutes instead of 10. He chews his bottom lip, defeated, before he sighs and begins talking.

  


* * *

  


The strategy meeting with team, sans Yosuke, is tense but not only because of Yu’s presence. This time it’s because of the major battle that awaits them at the end of Magatsu Inaba. There isn’t much they can plan ahead, seeing as they don’t actually know what they’re up against. The only useful thing Adachi wrote about in his letter was its location, but that was already a given. No weaknesses or points they could exploit. They were already at the end floor, so Yu knew they’d fight it most likely tomorrow, if Yosuke showed up.

  


The team eventually end their meeting and, even though his relationship with them is still mostly strained, Yu watched them lower their guard more and more around him, even going as far as joking. It was a relief to see that he could eventually mend things with his friends.

  


Most of them, anyway.

  


It wasn’t like Yosuke to miss team meetings. One could argue it was because of Yu and his status as the leader, but he hadn’t missed the other ones when they were still exploring. Yu still noticed Yosuke glaring at him whenever he could, but never failed to follow his orders, especially after the mishap they’d had a week ago.

  


Yosuke is loyal, if not to Yu, then to his other friends. He is hard-working and dedicated, especially towards the case. It’s very unusual for him to be absent right at the end, when they’re planning their biggest move yet. Yu has to admit, Yosuke’s deduction skills would have helped that conversation tremendously. 

  


He’d really like to defeat the Shadow tomorrow. If Yosuke is a no-show, then they’d have to devise a different plan, lean on someone else’s support skills. Yu thinks he has one still in the compendium, but it’s missing Masukukaja… He shakes his head. The team will just have to rely on items. But what happens when those run out? Yu would like not to think about it.

  


The sky is littered with stars; it’s late, but Yu knows Dojima is still busy at the station, what with the weird fog still around. Thankfully, no one’s turning into their shadows yet, as Adachi said they would. It means they still have a bit of time.

  


The riverbank is silent; the only things disturbing the silence are the sloshing of the fish in the river, the hum of the grass, the pebbles under his feet… They all paint a pretty desolate picture, along with the fog.

  


A shrill sob permeates the still silence. It startles Yu, who stops. That… what is that? It could be just a hurt cat (which doesn’t really make him feel better) but it sounds human.

  


Yu decides that it doesn’t matter what it is, he’d better check it out. Someone might be hurt and they might need help. 

  


He starts towards the river, one step at a time. Is the fog thicker here or something? It seems like he can barely see where his feet are. Careful not to slip on the steps, he finally makes it down and looks around.

To his left, under some trees, there’s a figure sprawled on its back, unmoving. He hopes it’s just someone that’s just relaxing under the night’s veil, but just to be sure, Yu calls out, ‘Hey! Are you okay?’

  


The figure stands up slowly and unsure. He (because Yu can tell now it’s a man) sways for a second before turning his head towards Yu and removing his headphones.

  


Wait, his headphones?

  


‘Yu?’

  


Of all of the people it could have been, it’s Yosuke. Of course it’s Yosuke. Yosuke is just randomly on the riverbank, at night, after he missed a meeting. That makes sense.

  


Might as well check if he’s alright. If he screams at Yu again, well, it wouldn’t be the first time, would it?

  


Yu walks on the grass towards where Yosuke is. He keeps his steps slow so Yosuke can tell him to leave if he wants to, but he doesn’t talk, not even when Yu stops next to him.

  


‘Are you okay?’ Yu asks and he’s a bit nervous. He expects Yosuke to tell him to fuck off, maybe threaten him again like that day so far away in the Shopping District.

  


‘’m fine,’ he mumbles, not taking his eyes off the sky.

  


Something stinks. Yu scrunches his nose and struggles not to gag. It reminds him of that day in summer when Adachi carried Dojima home. He had been wasted.

  


It smells like liquor. Yu glances around until he spots the bottle.

  


‘Hanamura-kun… are you drunk?’

  


‘F’ck off with that honorific shit… It sounds awkward…’ Yosuke slurs. He drags his hand over his eyes and leaves it there.

  


Yu picks up the bottle. There’s no cap on it and Yu turns in upside down, but nothing comes out of it.

  


‘Did you drink this whole bottle alone?!’

  


‘Yup.’

  


A part of him wants to ask Yosuke how but instead he asks, ‘Why?’

  


‘What th’ f’ck else can I do? Whass the point. No one even remembers h’r anymore, an’ iss only been one year… Iss like e’eryone essept her family and me forgot,’ Yosuke says unclearly and it takes Yu a second to decipher it and another for everything to click into place.

  


It’s April 15th. The anniversary of Saki Konishi’s death. Yu exhales and pain straddles his heart for Yosuke, who’s been here for some time already and has probably gone to the cemetery as well.

  


He’s so incredibly stupid.

  


‘I’m sorry, Yosuke,’ Yu says, because it’s all he can say.

  


Yosuke doesn’t move, just huffs out a chuckle, because what is he supposed to say? It’s okay?

  


It isn’t.

  


Yu turns his head towards the sky as well. 

  


‘Didn’t you say she’s looking down at us?’ He glances at Yosuke. ‘Would you want her to see you like this?’ He knows it sounds cheesy but it's all he can't think of. Yu didn't know Saki, but he knows the what she left Yosuke with. Not to speak ill of the dead, but he's not exactly fond of her.

  


‘Wha’ d’you know?’ Yosuke slurs back. His voice cracks. ‘She’s DEAD! SHE’S FUCKING DEAD!’

  


Yosuke stands and sobs, leaning onto Yu’s shoulder. He’s taken aback, but he knows it’s just the alcohol. Yosuke would not be doing this if he was in his right state of mind, but Yu’s selfish until the end. He can’t push Yosuke away, not while he’s like this, hurting and crying into his shoulder. Yu rubs his back and does his best not to cry for his friend.

  


Ex-friend.

  


His resolve cracks with each agonizing breath Yosuke takes between wails. He forgets everything else; there’s no TV World, no Midnight Channel, no Investigation Team.

  


It’s just him and Yosuke, crying together under the moonlight, on the riverbank and it’s devastating and perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn i'm tired  
> merry late christmas and happy new year!  
> sorry i fell off the face of earth, the holidays were crazy but at least this chapter is a little longer and a lot more painful  
> also kudos to anyone that knows the band with the name of a sauce that yosuke's listening to, you the real ones  
> thank you all so much for reading <3 your comments mean the absolute world to me


	12. the more that you say (the less i know)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Yosuke’s not thinking clearly. He’s clearly still drunk off his ass. He doesn’t actually want this. Dojima is home. Yosuke’s parents are probably wondering where he is. There are thousands of reasons why he shouldn’t agree.
> 
> ‘Wouldn’t it be better to sleep in your own bed?’ Yu makes a feeble attempt at changing Yosuke’s mind, but he shakes his head as sharply as he can in his state.
> 
> ‘Wanna be next to you… Miss you…’ he says and Yu doesn’t miss the touch of clarity that’s accentuating his words.
> 
> Well, how can he say no to that?'

Yu’s tears eventually dry up and he’s left sniffling while Yosuke’s head rests on his shoulder. It’s very uncomfortable and he feels pins running through his skin as his arm goes numb. His headphones are digging into Yu’s skin.

But Yosuke is leaning on him with no reservations and Yu has been wanting this for so long, he’s wanted things to feel like before and even if this is an inhuman leap for how delicate their relationship actually is, he can’t help but bask in Yosuke’s touch.

By now, Yosuke’s also stopped crying and they’re both waiting for the other’s next move or maybe Yu’s just overthinking it. Actually, after Yu listens more carefully to Yosuke’s breathing, he determines he’s fallen asleep.

A pink emotion blooms in Yu’s chest, spreading to his limbs. It’s warm and homey and for a moment, Yu allows it to settle before a thought arises that he shouldn’t be finding Yosuke’s nap so adorable.

_ Whatever,  _ he thinks. He’ll enjoy the sight while it lasts. After that, they’re gonna be back to side-eye glares and Yosuke’s going to be cursing Yu’s whole existence again. Even more so if he remembers this night, which is not very likely. 

Yu pushes the abandoned liquor bottle with his foot gently as to not wake up Yosuke. It rolls away easily, no liquid left in it. The tag reads ‘Konishi Liquors’ and Yu frowns. It sparks yet another question that’s probably never going to be answered.

Yosuke mumbles something in his sleep and Yu startles for a second, thinking maybe he’s been awake this whole time. Not that Yu has been doing anything particularly bad that the other would have noticed. The words he’s been meaning to say for a long time had almost escaped him in a moment of cloudiness but he’d bitten his tongue. He doesn’t actually know if Yosuke is sleeping or he’s just in a drunk stupor. Confessing his sentimental thoughts wouldn’t be good, all things considered.

Yu’s phone vibrates in his pocket. He curses it in his mind for interrupting the atmosphere that has been surrounding them for the past… 15 minutes? He’s not actually sure how much time has passed.

He digs around in his pocket for his phone and finally fishes it out with a grunt. A message from his uncle greets him when he flips it open. He’s asking when Yu’s coming home.

Dread settles in his gut when he realizes it’s been  _ 40 minutes _ , not 15, and Yu almost jumps from his spot before he remembers he’s got his drunk sort of friend wasting away on his shoulder.

It’s like he’s in a time loop when he’s around Yosuke, seriously. 

He chews his lip as he runs ideas through his mind. He obviously can’t leave Yosuke here. That would be inhumane. They have school tomorrow and a possibly deadly fight waiting for them in the dungeon. In the state that he’s in, Yosuke definitely can’t get himself home and Yu doesn’t want to think about what would happen if he were to wake up here, alone, with a massive hangover and an even worse heartache. Not that Yu’d ever actually leave him alone.

It’s out of the question.

He glances at Yosuke’s sleeping form, breath rising and falling. Yu can’t see his face, but he assumes he’s calm now, especially with the amount of alcohol in his system. He knows he has to ruin the moment soon so he finally gathers his courage enough to run his hands through Yosuke’s messy bangs. He finds them softer than he expected. 

Yosuke sighs in contentment and it makes Yu’s heart flip. He wants to take this moment, this night, this touch, wants to steal them all away and lock them up, commit them to his memory because he’s positive he’ll never experience this feeling again. The warm breeze of the spring, the sounds of the passing river against the quiet of the dark and the specks of light decorating the sky, they all make Yu feel at peace. These moments bleed out peacefully, reminding Yu of the nostalgia still residing in his heart. It never goes away. It grows and falls and he doesn’t always notice it, but it doesn’t disappear. It emerged last year when he was still living in Inaba, a warm explosion in his chest when he would look over the town. He hadn’t put a name to it then, but Yu knows now.

He feels at home. He feels safe again. The discovery almost makes him burst into tears again. Inaba is still his home, even after everything it’s put Yu through. He still loves this town and the people living in it. It’s given his once lonely life meaning and Yu reminisces about the days when he was still struggling to place the feeling.

Back then, it meant knowing someone would always have his back when he needed it. Yu had been defined by his strong bonds to others and their own need to spend time together. It’s a superficial way of thinking about it, but he loves the people he’s met nonetheless. The only thing that’s changed is the way he depends on them, because he doesn’t anymore.

The acceptance of the thought makes Yu’s chest grow tight but he’s glad he has finally realized.

It doesn’t matter how many times this town rejects him because he’ll always come back. While it might be true that Yu doesn’t need Inaba anymore, he still wants to be in Inaba. It wasn’t up to him to come back, but he can’t bring himself to be angry anymore

He’s never going to abandon Inaba again.

‘You saved my life,’ he whispers almost inaudibly to no one and everyone. ‘Thank you.’

Yosuke’s groan snaps him out of his head. He’s gotten so lost in his own mind that he’d almost forgotten that he’s not alone. 

Yu watches him sluggishly attempt to open his eyes before they stick together back again. He decides that enough is enough and they have to go.

Yu nudges Yosuke with his shoulder. ‘Are you awake?’

To his credit, Yosuke does open his eyes and looks up at Yu. They are glassy and red, tear tracks are still staining his cheeks and he looks like he’s not all here. Yu struggles to calm his racing heart, grateful that it’s too dark for Yosuke to make out the fact that he’s blushing.

‘Can you walk?’ Yu asks, seeing as Yosuke has no intention to answer his first question. 

He lets his head fall on Yu’s shoulder again and rubs his forehead against the material of his jacket.

‘Spinning… Tired. You’re warm,’ he answers and Yu wants to spite his quiet persona and scream for all of Inaba to hear. Even after that 40 minute nap Yosuke’s still drunk. He doesn’t like this but he can’t ignore the way his body warms up at the touch.

‘Yosuke,’ he tries again. ‘You can’t sleep here. Can you walk?’

Yosuke murmurs something that Yu doesn’t catch because he is suddenly nuzzling his nose into the crook of Yu’s neck, breath hot above his collarbone.

He wouldn’t be doing this if he were sober, Yu thinks. He has to put an end to it right now.

He spots Yosuke’s school bag somewhere behind him and pats the ground until he reaches it and pulls it over his shoulder.

Yu then throws Yosuke’s hand over his shoulder and grabs it with his left one. He tightens his grip on Yosuke’s waist and pulls him upwards with him. Yosuke groans in discomfort and lolls his head back.

‘So I guess that’s a no to the walking question,’ Yu says, stretching his stiff legs from the awkward position.

The only answer he receives is a huffed laugh and the push of a head in his shoulder.

‘Hey,’ Yu nudges him, ‘Stay awake. We gotta make it to your house.’

Yosuke instantly becomes more aware when he hears that, surprising Yu.

‘Wait, no, you can’’ take me home. My paren’s will fuckin’ murder me,’ he slurs uncohesively.

Yu frowns back at him. ‘I can’t leave you here, Yosuke.’

Yosuke lowers his head in thought while Yu throws a look over his shoulder for any forgotten belongings. Satisfied when he finds none, he sets off towards the Shopping District with a wasted Yosuke hanging off of him.

‘Your house,’ Yosuke suddenly says, head snapping up to look at Yu, looking excited. His eyes are still glassy and Yu’s stomach drops. ‘Why don’’ we go to your house?’

Yu stops dead in his tracks to mull over the idea in his head.

Yosuke’s not thinking clearly. He’s clearly still drunk off his ass. He doesn’t actually want this. Dojima is home. Yosuke’s parents are probably wondering where he is. There are thousands of reasons why he shouldn’t agree.

‘Wouldn’t it be better to sleep in your own bed?’ Yu makes a feeble attempt at changing Yosuke’s mind, but he shakes his head as sharply as he can in his state.

‘Wanna be next to you… Miss you…’ he says and Yu doesn’t miss the touch of clarity that’s accentuating his words.

Well, how can he say no to that?

* * *

Thankfully, the road is deserted while they hobble along. It could almost pass as peaceful if Yu’s heart wasn’t threatening to burst out of his chest at the thought of entering his home with Yosuke passed out.

They’d tried walking until they’d reached maybe a forth of the way and Yosuke’s legs were practically giving up on him from exhaustion, lagging behind his body. He was already falling asleep so Yu resigned to carrying him the rest of the way. 

Now, he’s moving unsteadily through the backstreets, Yosuke’s body draped over his hurting back. Yu worries he’s going to break until they reach his house, he would have never guessed Yosuke is this heavy. The other boy doesn’t seem to wake even with the heavy jostling except the low groans he makes when Yu repositions him from sliding off his back.

Yu finally turns the corner to his street. He pauses in front of the sliding door and takes a shallow breath. How will he explain to his uncle the reason Yosuke’s drunk?

_ Sorry, uncle, you probably remember that today is the day Saki Konishi was killed one year ago? Yeah, Yosuke was in love with her but then we found a world inside the TV where her inner shadow revealed her thoughts, including how much she despised Yosuke so now he’s gotten drunk like a moron because he missed her— _

Yeah, that’s not going to work. Yu ignores the ridiculous pang of jealousy he feels when he thinks of Saki’s name. He almost scoffs at how childish he is.

No time like the present, Yu decides and pushes the sliding door open. He expects to see his uncle waiting for him at the dinner table with a disapproving gaze, but he’s taken aback when he’s plunged into the dark and silent hallway.

Yu frowns and looks towards the row of shoes. He panics for a moment when he can’t find Nanako’s shoes before he remembers she’s staying at a friend’s house tonight. Yu exhales shakily and notes that his uncle’s shoes are also missing. 

Scenarios flood his brain, ranging from  _ Nanako got sick suddenly and they’re both at the hospital  _ to  _ He probably went out or he’s been called down at the station, he’s fine.  _ Yu knows that the first one is unlikely but he needs some way to make sure or he’s going to lose his mind until the morning or until his uncle comes home.

He deposits Yosuke’s sleeping mass on the couch carefully, making sure there’s a pillow under his head. Yosuke whines at the loss of contact and Yu’s cheeks flare up. 

He needs to tone it down. Feelings are not something he has time to deal with right now. He’s aware that something’s  _ there _ and if he’s learned something this past year, it’s that lying to himself about it is never a good idea. Instead of processing it, Yu makes the conscious choice of pushing his inner turmoil to the side for tonight (and probably forever) in favor of taking care of Yosuke. 

That’s… making it even worse, actually.

Yu cracks his fingers nervously and heads up the stairs in a hurry. Obviously he’s giving Yosuke his futon for tonight and he’s going to sleep on the uncomfortable couch in his room that’s going to break his back even more. A grimace makes its way on his face just thinking about it.

He prepares the futon and rushes back downstairs to manhandle a mostly unconscious Yosuke into a sitting position. Yosuke doesn’t protest much, save for a few sleepy grunts, eyes open in slits but unseeing. Yu lays him down on the futon with a huff. He considers changing him into his own clothes for comfort before he remembers that this is Yosuke and Yosuke hates Yu ( _ right? _ ). The image of Yosuke wearing his clothes to sleep accelerates his heart as he digs through his closet for his own pair of pajamas. Is he about to have a heart attack over a fantasy? That’s not healthy, right?

Yu goes for the light switch but his mind helpfully reminds him that he should call Dojima and find out if everything is okay. He swallows his panic and picks his phone from between the objects on his desk. Before he closes the door, he sneaks one last peek  at Yosuke. He’s snoring softly, mouth slightly ajar and brown hair tousled around like he’s been running his hands through it for hours. Yu wonders how it would feel between his own fingers again.

He doesn’t bother switching on the light from downstairs as he dials Dojima’s personal phone and pours himself a glass of water even though he’s not thirsty. He ends up picking at his nails until his uncle answers.

‘Dojima speaking,’ he says in a gruff tone. He seems tired, Yu notes.

‘It’s me. I just wanted to tell you I’m home,’ Yu explains swiftly. ‘Are you down at the station?’

He hears a worn-out sigh from the other line. ‘Yeah. Sorry I didn’t tell you, I got swamped with some situation…’

Yu audibly gulps. What kind of situation could have made his uncle drive to the station this late? Dojima might not tell him if he asks, but it’s worth a try. ‘Is everything okay?’

Some scuffling happens on his uncle’s side, as if he’s shuffling papers on his desk. ‘Nothing you should concern yourself with. Just some fog crazies.’

His ears perk up at the word  _ fog _ . Yu stops from walking aimlessly through the living, rooted to the spot.

‘Fog crazies?’ Yu pushes, silently praying for Dojima to expand on that. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Kid,’ he starts firmly, and Yu already knows he’s lost this argument, ‘Did last year teach you nothing? It’s late. Go to bed. Stop sticking your nose in my business.’

‘Got it. Good night, uncle.’

Yu closes his phone, resigned to getting no answers to something that could potentially pertain to the case. If the fog’s getting bad again it means they’re running against the clock and have to hurry. But, bearing in mind Yosuke’s condition, that gets even more difficult. Worst case scenario, they go into battle without him. Yu wishes he could estimate their chances of survival without Yosuke, but he has no idea what they could be up against. Yosuke’s absence could be dooming them all.

He weighs the options in his head; going to the station himself to try and find out would be plain crazy, not to mention stupid. There’s no one he can ask for information, and even if there was, he’s not sure they would tell him.

Is there really no way to find out more about this right now?

A light goes off in his head right before he’s about to give up. Yu pushes the phone buttons so fast he’s sure he misspelled Naoto’s name and presses the call button.

The phone rings once, twice and on the third ring, Naoto picks up.

‘Hello?’

Her voice is alert, as Yu had expected, which means she’s probably at the station too.

‘Naoto-kun, it’s Narukami.’ He realizes after that she probably still has his number. ‘I’m sorry if this is a bad time. I had a talk with my uncle earlier. He says he’s still at the station because of some ‘fog crazies.’ Do you happen to know anything about that?’

Naoto clears her throat to speak. She sounds tired too, but it’s accompanied by something else in her voice. 

‘A man had a seizure in the Shopping District today. He was wearing one of those big filter masks and right before he collapsed he was muttering about some conspiracy theory that’s been going around,’ she explains. ‘Some of the detectives think he might have faked it.’

Yu hums in thought. ‘What business has the police with this, though? It seems more like a hospital thing.’

‘Maybe so,’ she answers, distracted for a moment. ‘The problem is that he’s not the only one that collapsed.’

A shiver runs down his spine. He chews on his lip, tastes blood. It’s becoming a bad habit.

‘This isn’t an isolated incident?’ he asks dumbly, like she hasn’t already given him the answer.

‘No,’ Naoto confirms. ‘At least 3 other people have collapsed today. Some of them were also wearing masks but I don’t think they help against this fog. The police are looking into it, but they’re not treating it like a priority.’

‘So you do think it’s the fog.’ It’s not a question, more like a yet-to-be-confirmed statement.

Naoto pauses before she speaks again.

‘I do. I doubt all these people planned to pass out to demonstrate that this fake conspiracy is true. It has to be the fog.’

Yu rubs the back of his head restlessly. ‘Did we wait too long?’ he ponders, more to himself than to Naoto.

‘The safest choice right now is defeating the Shadow tomorrow. That should turn everything back to normal, if it really is the fog from the other world.’

Yu agrees wordlessly, preparing to end the call when Naoto starts talking again.

‘Senpai, I assume you’ve heard nothing from Yosuke-senpai? If so, should we go in without him tomorrow?’

Yu is caught off guard for a moment before he remembers that said boy is sleeping in his bed upstairs, probably about to be hungover as hell when he wakes up. He knows Yosuke would probably come with them anyways if asked, but in his state he might end up putting them all in danger.

‘He’s sick,’ Yu lies. ‘I saw his mom while walking home. She was carrying a pharmacy bag.’

‘That doesn’t necessarily tell us he’s sick, Senpai,’ Naoto reasons. She sees through his lie so easily that it’s frightening. He wonders briefly if she’s going to call him out on his bullshit, but she doesn’t point it out. 'And maybe Yosuke-senpai has changed, but his morals are the same. He wouldn't just leave us like this. It's really out of character...'

‘Whatever it is, be ready to fight this Shadow without him,’ he says in a more aggressive tone to signal that this conversation is over.

She sighs, clearly too busy to deal with them and their issues at this time. ‘Understood.’

They hang up. Yu pockets the phone and stomps up the stairs carelessly, knowing Yosuke’s not going to hear him anyways.

The glass of water stays forgotten on the counter.

* * *

Everything is the same as before when he returns; Yosuke hasn’t even shifted an inch in his sleep. He takes the time to look at him, as if he hasn’t been doing it for some time now, and wonders how sleeping in Yu’s bed is going to affect them. He wonders how Yosuke’s going to deal with all of this tomorrow if he remembers. Would he still be so opposed to hearing Yu out? 

He fiddles mindlessly with the hem of his shirt as he thinks. Yu can’t help but want to make everything right, especially with Yosuke who’s been next to him since day one. This night could help or hinder their already fractured friendship even more. 

Thinking back to his drunken words from earlier and how sincere Yosuke had seemed, Yu moves his gaze away from the sleeping boy.

It must be true. Yosuke IS missing him just as much. A small smile grows on his face at the realization. If Yu knows something about alcohol, it’s that it makes people say what they really mean.

So why is Yosuke being so stubborn then? Yu knows he has a reason to be furious but he’s obviously forcing it at this point. 

_ That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s forgiven me,  _ Yu reminds himself,  _ just that he still cares about me and still trusts me to a degree. _

_ Why isn’t he willing to talk it out, though? _

The thoughts dwell in his head as he shuffles around some of the couch pillows in a pathetic attempt at making the couch more comfortable. He sets his alarm for next morning and tucks himself under the blanket he fished out from the closet earlier. He wrings his hands together over his abdomen and waits for sleep to claim him.

Sleep doesn’t come, elusive as always. Not that he had been expecting it. His mind banishes all the exhaustion he’d been feeling before, leaving him in a state of wanting to sleep and wanting to be productive at the same time. There isn’t anything he can do now but wait, though.

Yu sneaks another glance towards Yosuke. He’s in the same exact position as before, but at least the rise and fall of his sleeping figure assures Yu enough for him to lay back down and stare holes into the ceiling.

The anxiety of the day that’s about to come slowly but surely grips his heart. Is this really a fight they can win? Adachi certainly seemed sure of that, but he probably doesn’t know nor care that their team is still healing from the fractures of his betrayal. The bond they’re putting all their faith in, it’s still too fragile to be put under such strenuous expectations.

It might not hold them all.

Yu twists and turns, legs bent at an awkward position because of the minuscule size of the couch, and tries to make it to sunrise.

* * *

When Yu wakes up, it’s after a restless, offensively short sleep and it’s not the usual comfortable darkness being punctured by the real world filtering in that he’s used to. His neck is stiff and his body cracks in five different places as he lazily sits up, baffled at why he’s on the couch in the first place. He feels kind of like the morning after that night in Iwatodai, when Rise had taken them to that sketchy club.

Reality gives him whiplash when he notices messy hair peeking from under the covers in his bed. Yosuke had turned over in his sleep and now Yu can only see his back. Yu debates waking him up and realizes he doesn’t even know what time it is.

His phone confirms that he woke up earlier than his alarm. Probably because his nerves are fried and he’s anxious to high hell.

The stress about not having a plan for this specific situation is eating at his brain slowly. Since the team had agreed to only skip their last class, not the whole day, so they could jump into action faster, Yu’s pretty much stuck going to school and worrying over the battle.

What’s even worse is, he hasn’t thought about what he’s going to do about Yosuke.

Should Yu wake him up for school? He doesn’t even have most of his things with him and waking him up would mean actually talking to each other, which Yu isn’t sure he’d be able to stomach right now.

He’s a coward. That’s the only true reason he’s hesitating. Yosuke’s rejected him already and it’s chipped away (just a tiny bit) at his motivation to keep trying.

Yu leans back on the couch and thinks; Nanako only comes back after her own school day and who knows when his uncle’s coming home from the station. In theory, they’d have no reason to come into Yu’s room since he’s obviously not going to be home, but on the off chance that one of them does…

How many times can his uncle forgive him?

And when Yosuke does wake up alone in Yu’s room, what then? Who even knows when Yosuke is going to wake up.

_ I might not even get to find out,  _ he thinks bitterly. Yu knows they’re supposed to be optimistic but everything about this Shadow screams ‘death’.

The thought of never coming home again, just ceasing to exist doesn’t terrify him as much as it should. Instead, it kind of makes Yu want to cry, not for him but for his parents and Dojima and Nanako. They deserve more than his face printed on the daily newspaper, announcing a missing person.

But this for Inaba, his mind reasons.

He can’t let Inaba down again. 

Yu pushes off the couch and moves as quietly as he can as if Yosuke could actually hear him. 

He makes breakfast, more out of the need to occupy his hands with something than the need for food. Stares at it dumbly, trying to fight his queasy stomach and ultimately deciding to put it in the fridge if someone else is hungry.

When he moves to leave, something stops him. It’s a bit childish, but he goes back up the stairs to his room and opens the door. He glances around, trying to imprint in his head this image of the room that’s been his for this past year, only this time Yosuke’s here too. Yu blinks away the tears, swiping at some stray ones that fell on his cheeks. He wishes he could stay here forever, get rid of all the responsibilities he didn't ask for but got anyway even after being put on this probation.

‘I’m sorry,’ he chokes out, more hot tears naking their way down his face. ‘I—‘

He stops before he can say it. It’s no use now. If he’s still breathing tonight, maybe he’ll reconsider his approach.

But for now, this just has to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only a few chapters left after this!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, be sure to leave some constructive criticism, i always appreciate it <3


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